A Happy Family
by TheOppositesAlchemist
Summary: A series of stories about random days that the 'happy' family of China, Romano, and America go through. If you think that's strange, meet their family and neighborhood! China/Romano, Norway/Taiwan. Oh, you know it's so canon.
1. The First Random Day

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia and am not responsible for any brain damage caused by this crackfic.**

**A Day in the Life**

"Hey, dad."

"..."

"Daaad."

**"..."**

"DAAAAAAD!"

"What the hell do you want?" snapped Romano from the driver's seat at the child in the back.

"Are we there yet?" asked America. Romano gripped the wheel tighter and took deep breaths. Why oh why did he bring his son with him to pick up his wife from work?

"We're almost there (you son of a bitch) and then we'll get KFC or some crap like that for dinner." At this, America's face brightened into a grin.

"Yeah! I love KFC! We should get lots of chicken. And mashed potatoes! I love mashed potatoes. You should get mashed potatoes. Because we really need mash-"

"I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME YOU GODDAMN IDIOT!" shouted 'Dad'. Thank the Lord, they had just arrived at the wife's place of work, a Chinese restaurant. China spotted the car (if not hearing his husband) and dashed out.

"Thanks for picking me up," said China and kissed his husband. Then he noticed America wimpering in the back seat and sighed. "Were you yelling at him again, aru?"

Romano looked away scowling. "He was asking for it. I swear, why the hell did we ad-"

"SHHH, aru!" yelled China before quickly switching the subject to "Come on, let's go to KFC."

**~~~ONE KFC VISIT LATER~~~**

They were all seated at the kitchen table, China eating his mac and cheese, America scarfing down chicken and mashed potatoes at an inhumane pace, and Romano watching him in shock and disgust.

Then they all retired to bed. China and America shared a bunk bed while Romano slept seperately. Romano said good night to his wife and was about to go to bed when his son piped up from the top bunk, "Can you tuck me in, Dad?"

Romano glared up, but it was pointless against his puppy dog eyes. He groaned. "Fine, fine, I guess." He climbed up the ladder and balanced there while pulling up the blanket around America. "There. Now go to sleep."

"Wait!"

"What?"

"Can I have a good night kiss?"

"Wha-Of course not! Go to sleep!"

"You're a terrible daddy!"

"I know!"

"I like mom more than I like you!"

"Yeah, well, you're adopted!"

Silence. America's eyes widened, then filled with tears. China groaned.

"Look what you did now, aru."

"I HATE YOU DAD! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!" the poor kid wailed.

"Well I hate you too!" shouted back Romano before he shut off the lights and stomped off to bed.

"Kolkolkol..."

"What was that?"

Romano's question was met with snores. He shrugged and decided to go to sleep as well.

~~~THE VERY NEXT DAY~~~

Some time after they had all eaten breakfast and gotten dressed, the doorbell rang. Romano looked over the balcony that was above the entrance hall to their house, squealed, and dashed downstairs. He returned back up with a giant box.

"Wow, the way you acted, I thought Santa was at the door," said America.

"Santa doesn't exist," replied Romano bluntly.

"WHAT?"

"Nope. It's just Finland."

"What about the elves?"

"The UPS men."

"Really?"

We never found out really, because the doorbell rang again. When they answered this time, instead there was a yellow bird on their steps.

"WOAH! You got me a Gilbird?" shouted America happily. "I LOVE YOU!" yelled America before trying to hug his dad, which was met with being shoved back by the head. The Gilbird then got out an iPod and began to dance to rave music. America dragged it inside. That is when China came down.

"...WTF is going on, aru?"

**A/N Oh, you know it's so canon.**

** Ok. Explanations. My friends and I all have countries, and before that, Italy (who represents both) and China pretended to get married. Since this made me feel very left out, I, America, became their adopted daughter/son. Then our friend came for Katsucon and he was Gilbird, so he became our pet. This is what happened during out sleepover before the con with some slight alterations to the storyline and stuff (yes, Italy, I know you recieved the box a day late, but it wouldn't work from where I started the story XP). For example, I called both of them mom. It was confusing. **

**I should do more stuff like this...**


	2. An Average Day

**Ok, I decided to continue this. I can't help it, in school my friends and I were discussing the crack world on a larger and...this came about. And this is no longer based on real life, so don't freak out!**

**Disclaimer: I don't Hetalia. And this may mess with your brain a bit.**

Meet Our Family

America, the ten year old boy, walked in the door and announced his usual, "I'M HOME!" He had to walk because his stay-home dad, Romano, didn't like him enough to pick him up or let him ride the bus. His mom, China, who he liked a whole lot more, couldn't because he worked during the day. When he suggested that his uncle, who we will get to later, could pick him up, it was quickly met with screams of "NO!" from both parents.

Romano glanced out of the kitchen for a second before turning back because, quite frankly, he didn't care. He had wanted to adopt a cat or something, but nooo, China wanted to adopt a kid. Even though at first he had been only slightly irritated by the child, he soon learned that he wasn't worth the trouble of upkeep and preventing mental scarring by his half of the family.

There was an awkward silence between the two as America sat down at the kitchen table to do his homework, seeing as the two weren't really on the best terms. Then as Romano turned to the sink to drain the pasta, he let out a strangled scream. There, outside the window above the sink, was their creepy neighbor, Russia, smiling eerily at them from behind his window where the two houses were placed close together. It seemed that whenever he wasn't running the convience store he owned at the street corner, the weird creep was staring at them in their house.

America noticed the way his dad was staring and making strange noises out the window and sighed. He hoped that the strange girl who randomly broke into Russia's house showed up, because the neighbor really gave him nightmares. The problem was, they shopped at the convience store, although his mom didn't let him go unsupervised. Once he did and Russia just watched him the whole time before asking,"Why don't you come into my back room? ...kolkolkol..."

Needless to say, he hightailed out of there.

Soon, after finishing most of his work, America could hear the cheerful, tinny tones of the ice cream truck run by his cousin. He grabbed some change off the counter (Romano was hiding in the closet farthest from the kitchen window, he didn't need it) and dashed outside and down the driveway to where he knew cousin France would stop for him.

"O hon hon, hello America~" the cousin said, leaning out the window.

"Hi France! Can I have an ice cream sandwich?" America asked, eyes sparkling with anticipation.

"Of course, mon ami! Just come into the back of my truck..."

Oblivious, he was about to when, luckily, China arrived home. Seeing his son near the ice cream truck, he slammed open the door and ran over, grabbing America and carrying him quickly into the house. He was about to go back outside to go ninja on France, but the truck had driven away so fast it left skid marks on the road. Muttering curses under his breath, he noticed a lack of Romano.

"Um, America, where is your father, aru?"

"Oh, Russia was creeping outside our window again. He's in his 'happy closet'."

"Ah. Well, Russia's not there anymore, so I'll go get him so he can finish dinner, aru."

After China convinced Romano it was safe, they all settled down for dinner. Just as they started talking about their days, there was a knock on the door. Romano groaned and told America to go get it. So America got up, walked to the front door, and opened it. His face brightened into a smile.

"Hi Uncle England!" Yes, there standing, actually more like leaning, in the doorway was Romano's disowned brother, also cousin France's dad. Even though Romano (and China as a matter of fact) told him to stay away, he still came around, usually dead drunk. Right now, he had a half-full beer bottle in one hand and with the other ruffled America's hair.

"Hello therrr, Ame-*hic*-rica," England slurred drunkenly. "Give yer Uncle *hic* England a hug." Just then, Romano and China, as one, skidded into the room, shoved England out, and slammed the door shut.

"YOU IDIOT! You know he's not allowed in the house!" shouted Romano.

"Really, we've told you a hundred times, aru!" added China.

"B-but you told me to get the door...and I like Uncle England...he's nice to me and talks to me and sometimes let's me have some of his drink..." whimpered America.

"WHAT?" both parents shouted. Just then, there was a fist pounding at the door.

"Can one of you *hic* direct me to my house?"

"NO!" yelled Romano through the wood. "You can stay next door!"

"Mmmmm'kay," they could hear him as he stumbled across the lawn to...that house.

"Daddy, that's terrible!" accused America in a hushed voice.

"Go to bed you damn kid," Romano growled in response. China took him upstairs and shouted down for Romano to call France to pick his drunk father up. He just groaned and collapsed on the couch. "God, I could use a glass of wine right now..."

"I have some if you want," said a voice at the window next to him. Romano jumped a foot in the air and yelped. Then an irritated look crossed his face.

"What the hell, France? How can you always open our windows?"

"O hon hon, trick of the trade mon ami~"

"YOU ARE NEVER ALLOWED ANYWHERE NEAR MY HOUSE EVER AGAIN!"

As France ran over next door to pick up his father, Romano could hear him shout, "That never stopped me before!"

China came downstairs just then.

"Why is your family so weird, aru?"

"I don't know..."

* * *

America was upstairs, but couldn't fall asleep. His room was on the second floor, so France (probably) couldn't get in, but it was also on the right side of the house...the side that faced his neighbor. Although he knew Russia was being chased around by that Belarus girl, he was still uncomfortable. So, obviously, he decided to go walk around the house.

Hmmm...what's that door? It was near his room, and when he creaked it open, there were stair spiraling upwards. It was dusty...and creepy..._but I'm a hero! _he thought to himself. _I'm not afraid of anything!_ So he bravely climbed up.

Dust immediately covered him and he sneezed. Where was a light switch...oh, it doesn't matter, there's already a lamp of something up here. Well, at least it seems like a lamp. It's emitting light...in the shape of a small boy...who's see through...America paled. The boy looked up in shock.

"Can you actually see me?"

Downstairs, China and Romano were just settling down for a movie when they heard a scream of bloody murder and frantically running feet.

"MOOOM! GHOST! HELP! AHHHHHH!" He leapt into China's lap and started yelling random nonsense about polar bears and Canadians.

"Wh...what? Ghost, aru?" China asked in a confused way. America had quite the imagination, no doubt about that, but he looked pretty freaked out.

"That's stupid. Shut up and go to bed."

"B-b-but there really is!"

"Can you at least check it out, aru?"

"Fine. Where is the...ghost?"

"T-the attic." After muttering to himself, Romano got up and went to the attic, with China comforting America behind him as they followed. He approached the old, creaky door-did they actually use this room?-and entered. He climbed up the old staircase, cursing audibly as cobwebs stuck in his face, and when he reached the top, he looked around for this alleged ghost. Squinting in the only light that came through a grimy window, Romano was about to ask where the ghost was supposed to be when the other two arrived and America began screaming and hid his face in China's shirt.

"What are you going on about?" snapped Romano.

"The-the ghost! It's right there!" wailed America.

"Where? There's nothing up here!"

"It's glowing! Can't you see it?"

Romano's temper was not very long in the first place, and this day had done nothing to help it. The fact that this day was average by his standards wasn't very useful either. Now...

"STOP MAKING STUFF UP! Go to bed and STAY there!" he roared at the terrifie child. "Ghosts don't exsist!"

America's face changed a little from scared to sad. "I think you hurt his feelings..."

"THAT'S IT! I'm going to bed!" Romano yelled. China sighed as his husband stormed out and set the child down.

"I'll go calm him down. You should go to bed, aru." And with that, America was once again left alone with the ghost. Despite trembling a little, he was frozen in place. Then the little boy shifted uncomfortably.

"W-what's your name?" America stopped trembling. The ghost...wanted to know his name? Well, in that case...

America ran screaming to his room and didn't stop until he was completely under his covers. His parents didn't even bother to get up this time.

**A/N This was introduced how effed up we've made this family so far. I hope you enjoy the insanity of my brain!**

**Oh yes, and reviews make me squeal with glee and write more chapters faster. Just so you know.**


	3. Neighborhood Party

**Disclaimer: I own not a scrap of Hetalia, and a few a the following ideas aren't even mine TT_TT**

Annual Neighborhood Party

The door? No, too obvious. The windows? Probably locked, and he didn't want to end up in his neighbor's yards anyway, one a creepy bastard and the other a trigger-happy freak...The attic? He could hide out there, except for the fact that his son has been going up there rather often lately. He sighed in defeat. He would just have to bear it, but like hell he'd grin.

Romano would have to survive their annual family party.

They had one of these every freaking year, and despite the 'family' part, neighbors and friends always showed up too. Unfortunately, so did the family.

Since everyone lived on the same street, it wasn't too terribly hard giving out invitations, although America got sidetracked when he arrived at his friend, Japan's, house. Then he proceeded to drag the poor kid around yelling,"Let's have an ADVENTURE, Japan!"

Well, on the bright (not really, more dim than bright) side, that brat always had fun. Actually, Romano didn't know if he had fun. America just stayed out of his hair, and that's all that matters.

Well, the party was almost upon them. Romano had finished cooking, China had finished cleaning, and America had finished running around doing God knows what and fed their pet, Gilbird. A few days ago, they had completely forgotten about him, and then started pecking at their faces and wouldn't leave them alone the entire next day. Now they were totally going to try and remember the bird from this point on.

Then there was a knock on the door. Quickly, Romano went through a dozen final, but hopeless, escape plans. But no. He was now left to his fate as China called out,"I've got it, aru!"

The first person to come was their questionably male neighbor from down the street, Poland.

"Like, hi you guys! It's, like, so totally cool that you invited me!" While Romano's brain cells screamed for the idiot to shut up, he wondered how he got an invitation. Probably that retarded America's fault. Everything was his fault.

Just as Poland started to get in a deep discussion with America about pink ponies, there was yet another knock on the door. After yelling at China to make sure that Poland didn't spontaneously transform their son into a girl, he went to get it.

He opened the door, but then couldn't shut it quick enough before the man outside jumped in.

"Lovi!~ It's been a while since I've seen you!"greeted Spain.

"That's for a reason. You're lucky this is an annual thing, or your ass would be halfway down the street right now." responded Romano pissily.

"Oh, how come? You're so cute!~ Just like a tomato!"

"I'M MARRIED, YOU TOMATO BASTARD!"

As Romano stormed into the family room, with Spain following cheerfully, there was yet another knock on the door. Romano went to get it, wanting to get away from the idiot who was now poking his face, but America was already at the door.

"Japan! Hi! Come on in! I have to show you something super cool!" Japan barely had time to politely greet Romano and China before he was dragged up to the attic. Before they could go to the rescue of the confused boy, someone else was already at the door. This time, Romano got away first and opened it to, luckily, the nice couple from down the street, Finland and Sweden.

"M' w'fe 'nd I 're h're."

"Su-san, I'm not your wife."

"Y'r m' w'fe."

"I'm not a woman."

The two carried their mild bickering into the room where everyone had decided to stay by the door in case someone else came soon. Nobody knocked for a while, so he was about to leave and yell at America, who had come down with Japan wearing a rather dissapointed look on his face, that ghosts weren't real and to stop convincing his friend otherwise. Of course, somebody came just then.

He scowled and opened the door to some more of his neighbors; America's piano teacher and his wife, who was known for frequently beating the crap out of France and the man who ran the liquor store. Why? Apparently, just for being them. Their names were Austria and Hungary, and he got along quite nicely with both of them, so he stopped scowling.

"Hello, Romano. It's good to see you," said Austria.

"How's China and America? Oh, is your little brother here yet?" questioned Hungary right away.

"It's good to see you too, Austria. I'm glad the sane people arrived first," Romano really did look slightly less irate than usual. "No, my dumb brother isn't here yet, although I'm sure my father and him will come soon, and the other two are in the family room if you wanna talk to them."

_Well_, thought Romano to himself, _this isn't too bad..._ Obviously, the universe must now prove him wrong.

"VE~! BROTHER, OPEN THE DOOR!"

"HURRY, THAT MANIAC NEXT DOOR HAS A SHOTGUN OUT!"

Romano groaned. Godammit, his dumbass little brother and dad had come. He opened the door and the two literally spilled in. His dad quickly got up and brushed himself off, the look on his face saying _What are you talking about, I wasn't just on the floor...hehe..._Then America tore into the room and jumped on the man.

"Yaaay! Grandpa Rome is here!" he yelled joyfully as Rome picked him up. Italy picked himself up off the ground and immediately went into his default happy-puppy mode.

"Ve~ America! Let's go play a game together!" Romano just rolled his eyes. Since Italy was only 14, he still played with America frequently. The trouble was, having the two of them together was similar to blowing a bomb filled with happiness and sparkles and sunshine. It was disturbing to say the least.

"Sure!" replied America."I'll go grab Japan!" Of course. Poor Japan. You see, he was always stuck in this joyful explosion of stupid. "Oh yeah, Poland too!" Romano's eyes widened.

"He's here too?"

"Yeah, the first one to come!"

"Like, hi Italy!"

"Ve~ Let's go outside and play!"

And thus, the three and their always-confused captive ran back out the door.

Romano had quickly gone from content to pissy. He sat down in the family room and wished that he had something to drink. Then his eyes widened. _Oh hell no._

Right next to him, the window flew open as a shape blurred past, vaulting in through the window.

"O hon hon, hello all!"

Of course, the immediate response was for Hungary to smack him upside the head with her frying pan.

"_Le_ ow..." France whimpered, rubbing the rather formidable bump on his forehead, still gripping a bottle of wine in the other. Then he looked around curiously. "Where are_ Amerique et Italie_?" Then he noticed them all running aimlessly in circles outside with Japan shaking his head in amazement. France grinned. Then, out the window he went as quickly as he entered.

Hungary quickly ran out the door, wielding her pan threateningly, followed by China. However, as China was about to walk out, he stopped.

"Oh crap, aru..."

"Hey there, aniki!" beamed China's father, Korea. China groaned.

"Why do you call me brother when I'm your son? Get out of my way, France is outside with the kids and Poland, aru." Korea's face quickly lit up. He turned and ran out to the yard where the kids were running and yelling to France that they weren't allowed to be anywhere near him, with France running from Hungary. It was all over fairly quickly after China went absolute ninja on the creep and had him down, with Hungary helping as soon as she could reach him. As they dragged the unconscious mess back into the house, Korea walked over to the group waving.

"Grandpa Korea is here too! This is great!" said America, looking superly super excited in the most superbly superest way possible.

"That's, like, so totally fab!" added Poland.

"Ve~ We'll have so much fun!" said Italy, looking nearly as excited as America.

"Of course! Fun originated in Korea, da ze!" stated Korea.

_Kill me now, _pleaded Japan in his head.

Inside, Romano turned away from the window and buried his head in his hands. As far as he was concerned, all possibility of peace was doomed. The Idiot Brigade had united. He decided to grab the bottle of wine that France had brought and was in the kitchen about to open it when...

"HOLY JESUS!" he shrieked. Russia, who had just climbed in through their window, turned and gave a creepy smile without closing his very wide violet eyes.

"Oh, hello. Russia _was _invited to this party, da?"

Before Russia could get an answer, Romano was across the house in his happy closet, cradling the bottle and making various incomprehensible noises.

China sighed, now alone, and decided that his husband would be happiest hiding in the closet. Now, since that was (hopefully) everyone, he was about to mingle with the crowd. About.

BAM!

China immediately shot to the entrance hall. There, in the now splintered doorway stood a smug looking albino and a very angry looking brother.

"Prussia! What did I tell you?" yelled Germany.

"I don't know, I couldn't hear you over the roaring sound of my awesomeness," Prussia replied while dragging in a cooler behind him.

China should've seen this coming. Prussia, who owned the liquor store at the corner, right across from England's house coincidentally, was wild and unpredictable, although usually amusing company to keep. Germany, on the other hand, was strict and...well, he hated to say it, but boring. Sure, terrifying as hell (he owned his own fitness gym for God's sake!), but not good at conversation.

As Prussia strode in like he owned the place, Germany looked at China and said,"The worst part is, he hasn't even had anything to drink yet." Then he followed his brother in.

In the closet, Romano's potato bastard sense was tingling. He was about to storm out and yell at the invading Germans, but he thought he heard a faint 'kol'ing and curled back up in a corner.

Meanwhile, China prayed to God that everyone was here and...he wouldn't arrive. Things were actually going pretty well for once. The kids plus Korea were playing who-knows-what outside, the sane neighbors were keeping pleasant conversation, Russia was keeping to himself in a corner with a bottle of vodka, kolling at anyone who got close, and Spain and Prussia were in the corner with the cooler, talking to the now-slightly-conscious France. Things were going pretty well. China leaned back in an armchair.

Too bad.

Just then, there was a cracking noise. It got louder until everyone could hear it and had stopped talking. Finally...

WA-BOOM!

When the plaster dust had settled down, there, in the middle of the room with the light of the setting sun from the hole in the roof shining down on him, was England. But, God no, that wasn't it. He was wearing a toga, waving a wand with a glittery gold star on the end, and...and...

Oh God, he was wearing wings. White, feathery, poofy wings.

"THE PARTY HAS ARRIVED!" England announced in a slurred voice. Then he looked around, slightly confused. "What the bloody hell *hic* are you all doing in my house?"

There was a voice above that called down, "Wah! Jerk Papa, you fell through the roof!" Sealand's face popped up. "How did you even get up here?" he asked in an incredulous voice.

Just then, the five outside ran in to see what was going on. There was silence. Then America, Korea, Italy, France, Prussia, and Spain burst into fits of laughter.

"Wh-wh-what's wrong with Big Brother England?" asked Italy through breathless laughs.

"Papa, I think you had a liiiiittle too much," said France, calming down a little and putting a hand on his shoulder.

"How dare you touch me, *hic* infidel!" shouted England. Russia stepped forward and was about to lead England out when he pulled away from both of them and turned to face France and Russia.

"GET OWT YEW HORZ!" he screamed at them while chucking an empty beer bottle at the two. Then he charged them, running France out of the house while Russia chased them both with a rusty (or at least I HOPE it's rusty) pipe.

After that things...well...first off was that Prussia and Spain got up to make sure France was alright, so they said their good byes, Spain cheerfully yelling to the closet "Bye bye Lovi~!" which was returned with a "Get out of my house, asshole." Next to leave was Germany, running out after he realized that a slightly drunk Prussia had just gone to chase after and equally drunk France and an even drunker England, all of which being stalked by Russia.

After that, it wasn't long before Finland and Sweden said bye as well. Hungary, who hugged the kids as she left, and Austria, who had inconspicuously poured his drink out the window, were after them. Rome said farewell and took Italy as they braced themselves for once again crossing Switzerland's yard. The faint protests from Austria that they could just use the sidewalk like normal humans fell on deaf ears. Poland also left, saying something along the lines of "I totes need to go feed my ponies!" Korea and Japan left together, while Korea seemed to be trying to claim Japan's breasts, and Japan thanking every God there was that he just lived across the street. This just left America staring in amusment at the hole in the roof that Sealand had abandoned to head home, and China trying to coax Romano out of the closet.

Finally, China convinced America to go to bed (and luckily neither of the bedrooms were damaged by England's, erm, INTERESTING entrance) and calmed Romano down. He assured his husband that he would do all the cleaning and that it was time that he should go to bed too.

According Romano in a nutshell, the day was suckish. But then again, what did he expect? It was their family get together. He didn't even bother changing out of his clothes when he jumped into bed. He rolled over to get comfortable, but felt a strange presence. He curiously opened his eyes and met violet ones and a sadistic grin.

Romano's screams of terror rang throughout the neighborhood.

**A/N Writing this quick because my friend is about to come over to my house and kill me and/or force me to write a new chapter, so review and jank, here ya go! Sorry for mistakes, I'm being pressured! SAVE ME!**

**EDIT: Ok, I'm back and have time. So, I think I fixed all the mistakes and I wish I could add a bunch of things now that it's done...meh, those can be for other chapters. And don't worry, I won't update daily anymore. I have somehow gotten myself into the state spelling bee, and I am quite terrified. My parents won't let me back out, and if I have to do something, I will make it worth my freaking time. Oh yeah, and I have a few school things I might wanna do. And, you know, free time. Don't kill me, Romano! TTnTT**


	4. A New Family Member

**DISCLAIMER: If I owned Hetalia, would I write fanfiction?**

A New Family Member

At first, America had been really happy about getting a new sibling. A new playmate and someone to talk to when Mom was at work, because it would be the apocalypse when Romano said, "Hey son! Let's go play catch together!" And hey, maybe the newcomer would even see the ghost in the attic! But America was wrong to be happy.

It had all started when he had overheard his parents talking. Since he was bored, seeing as Japan was sick with a very bad cold and Italy was taking cooking classes, he eavesdropped by the kitchen. While gently patting Gilbird on the head, he leaned closer to the door only to be nearly deafened by a "HELL NO!"

"But it would be nice! America seems so lonely, aru..."

"No. No way in hell, ever.

"Why not, aru?"

"Because...because...kids are annoying."

"Not all of them. Besides, you can choose this time, aru."

"Well...

"I'm sure it would make America leave you alone."

There was a silence as America, hesitant after the shout, leaned in again, holding Gilbird in a cupped hand. Just when he was about to give up and go, he heard Romano responding.

"Fine."

"Yes! I knew you would agree, aru!"

As the sound of footsteps got closer, America scrambled away from the door and went away to look inconspicuous. China left first, positively beaming, followed by Romano, who yelled at America to stop looking so cheerful before realizing he needed to go back into the kitchen to make dinner.

The next day was Saturday, so China didn't have to go to work. However, he and Romano announced to America at breakfast that they were going out for a bit. So, after arranging that he would spend the day at Poland's house they left. Why Poland? Well, he seemed most responsible to take care of the boy, being fifteen and least likely to help burn something down or molest him. Mainly, though, since Austria and Hungary were busy, Sweden and Finland were also out, and Japan was still sick.

America had a fun afternoon. He got to help Poland feed his stable of ponies, and ride on them afterwards. They started painting Poland's living room pink, a different shade on each wall, but ended up getting more on each other than the walls. They even played dress-up, but America drew the line at skirts. All through it, though, his mind was on other things.

_I wonder if he'll be nice?_

_Maybe he'll help me prank Dad..._

_Will he like ice cream?_

_...Will he like me?_

He mentally scoffed at the last one. EVERYONE liked him, with the exception of dad. Dad didn't count, though, because he was the real-life Grinch. But what if his new sibling was a Grinch too? No no no, that can't happen. Only grown-ups can be Grinches...right? This particular train of thought was interrupted by a knock at the door. Poland went to get it and America's heart pounded in his chest. Oh boy, this was it, this was the moment of truth...

"Oh! Like, hi there Italy!" America's heart dropped a little, but also lightened. If Uncle Italy was here, fun was sure to follow.

"Ve~ Hi Poland! I brought over a pizza to share!" Italy responded cheerfully. "I was going to share it with Brother and China and America, but they weren't home..."

"I'm here!" said America, running in from the next room. Italy's smile grew, but then he laughed.

"America, why are you pink?" America looked down, as if noticing the mess for the first time.

"Oh, I was helping Poland paint his walls," the boy responded as if it were obvious.

"Yeah, and you, like, totes arrived just in time!" yelled Poland. "After we eat the pizza, you can, like, help us add the sparkles!"

"That sounds like fun!" said Italy in return. So, after they all gorged themselves on what proved to be a delicious pizza-I would describe it to you if I wouldn't be in danger of drooling on my keyboard-they all raced to the living room. Italy and America were both handed a jar of rainbow sparkles by Poland and they each grabbed a handful and threw them across the still wet walls, transforming the previously boring room into a fairytale wonderland. As soon as the walls seemed fine, however, they began to attack each other, layering the others in the shiny stuff. They all ended up heaped on the floor, laughing and coated in paint and glitter. Just then, there was another knock on the door. America got up to go get it.

Romano tapped his foot impatiently in front of Poland's house. He wanted to get out of it's presence as soon as possible, because the awkward pinkness of it was hurting his eyes. Just then the door opened. Romano stared. There stood America, splotched with pink on his clothes and face. Anywhere that lacked paint, though, was made up for my by the fact that he was almost entirely covered with rainbow sparkles. Romano turned and was about to slam the door shut in his face when China glared disapprovingly from the car window. He sighed and turned back around.

"Come on, Mr. Fairy, it's time to go home."

"Ok! Bye Poland! Bye Uncle Italy!" America shouted back into the house. The two came to the front door and also said bye. Seeing that they were in a similar state as America, Romano winced.

"Oh God, Veneziano..."

"Ve~ Brother, we ate all the pizza, but I'll bring over some gelato later, ok?"

"Just...just clean yourself off first." Romano then grabbed America by his wrist, which seemed cleanest, and headed to the car. America, however, was bouncing excitedly on the inside, and actually on the outside as well. Romano had to resist the urge to smack him on the head. "What are you so giddy about?" he snapped.

"Um, uh, er, nothing?" America tried. He remembered that he wasn't supposed to know about his new brother-or, at least, he hoped it was a brother-yet. Romano narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but then realized that he really would never understand America's brain, so he just sighed and gave up.

As they reached the car at the end of Poland's strange, twisty, peppermint candy paved driveway, China came out of the car.

"America, we have a surprise, aru!" China said. America's excitement was threatening to turn him into a human bottle rocket.

China opened the side door and in it was a sleeping child who looked about America's age. He (America cheered to himself) had messy brown hair with a strange bit sticking out from the top of his head that seemed to split and form a pair of symmetrical curls. As America got into the car so they could go home, the sudden movement of the car, or maybe America's bouncing in the seat, caused him to wake up. He blinked, rubbed his eyes, and sat up from his slouch. He looked confused at America with a paitr of green eyes. America felt awkward so, as usual, he broke the silence.

"Hi there! My name's America! I'm your new brother!" he greeted. The new boy almost flinched at the volume of his voice. However, he was slightly more concerned about the fact that he was pink and sparkling. The boy shook it off temporarily, though.

"Hello America...I'm Greece," he responded, speaking almost as if his sluggishness leaked to his words, making him speak the most minimal amount he possibly could. America jumped on this sentence right away, though, determined to make a conversation.

"Greece? That's a nice name. How old are you? What games do you like? Do you believe in ghosts?" Greece almost jumped back, startled by the sudden outburst from his new brother. Quite the hyper one, he observed.

"...thank you. I'm eleven. I like to play...Frisbee...and I don't know," Greece responded slowly, much the opposite from America. However, he was surprisingly patient as Greece talked, and at the end bombarded him again.

"I'm ten, so this means you're my older brother! That's great, I've always wanted an older brother! We're gonna have a lot of fun since I like baseball so we can just play catch because catch is fun and brothers do those things together! And I believe in ghosts because they do exist and we have one in our attic!" Greece listened, but half of him was wondering if America's face was going to turn blue soon.

"Yes...I think it would be nice to have a...little brother. Catch sounds fun...and I think it would be fun...to see a ghost."

From the front seat, China was talking happily to Romano, delighted that the two were getting along so well, and Romano was listening, mostly amazed that they were actually having a conversation already. Especially since Greece was talking in a slow way as America babbled on at high speed. Secretly, though, he was pleased. N-not that he cared about the damn little America, but because his new son was being welcomed. And America would probably leave him alone now.

Soon, they arrived home. Greece walked upstairs to America's room, which he would have to share until they had somewhere else situated, as America tried to heroically lug Greece's suitcase up the stairs. After he nearly fell, though, Greece stepped in and held one half as America had the other. China and Romano planned to take him to the city to buy some new clothes and whatnot soon. As the parent were discussing things in the kitchen, America ran by the open door, holding Greece by the hand and practically dragging him along.

"Where are you going?" shouted Romano after them.

"I'm going to take Greece around to meet everyone in the neighborhood!" America responded, hand on the door handle.

"No, you're not. Not until you wash off that ridiculous paint job," said Romano, scowling. America pouted, but obliged. Ten minutes later, after Greece and China had a deep discussion about cats, America stumbled down the stairs, nice and clean, and asked if they could leave now. As soon as China consented, they were out the door.

"Ok, Greece, we should start at the end of the street, around the corner a little at Germany's," America began navigating. "Next, we'll go down all the way to Spain's house at the end of that side of the street. Then we go across the street to Grandpa Rome and Uncle Italy's house and go down from there to Poland's house!" He stopped and breathed-_Finally_, thought a slightly worried Greece-and looked pleased with himself. "Ok then, let's go!"

Once they made it to Germany's house after a good length walk, America knocked on the door as Greece inspected the gym across the street from a distance. It looked stainless, as if dirt was too scared to get on it, and the sign over the door read 'Germanly's Gym'. As he raised an eyebrow, the door opened to a tall, well-built figure with a very intimidating aura. Greece wasn't all that worried until he noticed America unconsciously take a step back.

"Can I help you?" asked Germany.

"Um, yes, you see, this is my new older brother, Greece..." America started, and then nudged Greece to continue.

"Hello...it's nice to meet you," he said. Germany looked him up and down before nodding.

"Likewise. Now, I'm sure that you will be a good older brother to America unlike mine was. I wish you good luck in keeping him under control," the man gruffly responded. Then, after shaking Greece's hand, he said good bye and closed his door. As they walked to the next house, only a short bit away, Greece spoke.

"He seemed...a little scary," he stated. America turned to him.

"Yup, but it's alright, he's not too bad, kinda nice after you get to know him," said America, remembering how one birthday he was given a ride on Germany's shoulders. "Just don't go to his gym. The workout is terrifying. But dad hates him, so he must be alright." Greece took this in and made a mental note. Before they could talk too much more, they were at the next house.

America stopped and said to Greece,"This is Uncle England's house, so be careful. He drinks this really funny stuff and acts weird a lot. If he's wearing a toga and waving around a wand, we run for it, ok?" Greece was startled, but nodded anyway. So America grinned and rang the doorbell, which played a few notes of 'God Save the Queen'. The door was flung open, and in the doorway, grinning like America, was a boy with a sailor's cap and rather formidable eyebrows. America grinned even bigger.

"Hello there, Sealand! This is my new older brother, and your new cousin, Greece!" declared America.

"Hullo America and Greece! It's great to meet you! I hope we can play together," Sealand responded cheerfully. Greece stared for a second, thinking about how adorable the boy was, before responding.

"It's great to meet you...as well. I hope we can play together too...Where is your dad?" Greece asked. Sealand raised a large eyebrow at his new cousin's strange speech pattern, but quickly forgot about it.

"Oh, he's upstairs, coming down now actually. You two are lucky, he just had a Britannia Angel episode." America nodded sympathetically as Greece wonder what a Britannia Angel was. Then a man with messy blonde hair, green eyes that looked tired, and eyebrows that were obviously the same ones that Sealand inherited came to the door.

"What the bloody hell? Oh, hello America. Who's this?" England asked, completely normally, causing America some shock. He was sober? After they had introductions and all that, they were about to leave when Sealand asked if he could come along with the two. Since both groups consented, he happily walked along with the brothers. Next up was Prussia's house. America and Sealand happily walked up to the door, since Prussia was, for lack of a better word, awesome. Greece hesitantly followed.

As they knocked on the door, they backround noise of way too loud rock music stopped and was followed by "WAIT A SEC, THE AWESOME ME WILL BE RIGHT WITH YA!" Then the door opened and Greece nearly jumped back in shock when he saw red eyes gleaming with maliciousness. "Kesese, how can I help you-" Then he cut off and his eyes widened.

"GILBIRD!" He shouted and grabbed a yellow ball of fluff that was previously unnoticed off of Sealand's hat.

"Huh, he must of followed us..."said America to himself. Then he spoke to Prussia. "Wait, is Gilbird yours?" Prussia stopped his tearfully joyous spinning in circles to face America.

"Of course! Who else would be awesome enough to have him? But he went missing a little while ago, and I got worried about my little buddy of awesome. Thanks for finding him,you awesome people!" They decided they would leave Prussia to his cheerful reunion and keep going. So, they said goodbye to Prussia and Gilbird and moved on to Korea's house around the corner. The door opened before they even knocked and Korea leapt out and squeezed America and Sealand.

"Hello grandsons! What are you doing here, da-ze?" he shouted. Greece quickly saw where America got it from.

America laughed and told him,"I'm going around to introduce my new brother to everyone! His name is Greece." Greece immediately felt the urge to run, but it was too late when Korea pulled him into the hug as well.

"Yeah! It's great to have a new grandson! You should come and visit me a lot, da-ze!" Korea told him.

Next up was Japan's house. America was excited, but also cautioned them that Japan was sick, so be careful. As America carefully rung the doorbell, Greece wondered what a friend of America's would be like. The door was opened by a not-too-tall man with an Asian woman behind him.

"Hello?" the man answered.

"Oh, hi Mr. Norway! We were wondering if we could see Japan real quick. I want to introduce him to my new brother, Greece!" America responded. Norway looked skeptical, but his wife, Taiwan, convinced him.

"Ok, fine, but make it quick and for the love of God be quiet," Norway said. America's grin grew wider still-Greece wanted to pull out a ruler and go for a world record book-and tugged Greece inside, up the stairs, and a door to the left as if he lived there. Then he opened the door carefully.

"Hey, Japan?" he said at the sound level of a stage whisper, which Greece found amazing, "I want you to meet someone." A very groggy looking Japan sat up, but still managed to look refined in a bed littered with tissues.

"Hello America-kun. Who's your brother?" Japan asked, sounding nasally from his cold. Greece stepped forward.

"Hello Japan...my name is Greece," he said.

"I'm pleased to meet you, Greece-san," Japan said and attempted a short bow before being interrupted by a rather bad sneeze. America ran up to hand him a new box of tissues, and while Japan formally thanked him, Greece thought of how different the two were.

Next on the list was France. As soon as the opened the door, however, China ran across the street and slammed it shut.

"America! You aren't allowed to go anywhere near your cousin and that goes for Greece too, aru!" China told them.

"Sorry mom, I just wanted everyone to meet my new brother..." America said, starting to look upset. China's face softened.

"Well, just skip this house. Go visit Sweden and Finland now, ok, aru?"

"Ok!" replied America, lighting up. Greece was shocked by the sudden change in character, but the look on Sealand and his new mom's faces showed that it was completely normal. He decided to just go with it as he was once again dragged to the next house, while they all completely missed a groan and whine about a broken nose from behind the door.

Surprisingly, the next house was quite...normal. Despite the fact that the taller man, Sweden, kept calling the shorter, Finland, his wife, and Finland was trying to convince Greece that he wasn't Sweden's wife, and most definitely not a girl, they got along fairly well. _At least...there's somewhere to go if I...need to take a break from America's craziness, _Greece thought.

Next was the end of the road, Spain's house. They had barely rung the bell, which played a fun fiesta song, when the door was flung open to a very energetic man.

"_Hola_ America and Sealand! How are you? How is Lovi?" he said all in one breath. Greece noticed that there really weren't too many normal people around, well, normal in energy level at any rate.

"I'm fine!" repiled Sealand..

"I'm great too! And dad is dad," America said, shrugging."But, more importantly, I wanna introduce you to my new older brother!" So they went through the introductions again. Then, Spain sent them off with a basket of tomatoes.

"He seemed nice," noted Greece.

"Yeah, Spain is lots of fun!" Sealand told him. "He always brings pinatas and candy to our birthdays and most celebrations." They crossed the street to a normal looking house, except that there was something off about it. As they got closer, he understood what. Two of the windows was completely covered from the inside by boxes (full of tomatoes and pasta as he later was told) and there was a strong, but certainly not unpleasant, smell of paint and pizza hanging in the air. As soon as they opened the door (America explained they could walk right in, a doorbell or knock wouldn't be heard) all three were tackled to the ground by a flying Italian.

"Ve~ America, this is great, I got to see you twice in one day! And look, Sealand is here too! Who's your friend?" Italy immediately began. After the all got up, America explained about Greece and introduced his brother to 'Uncle Italy'.

"So, did Grandpa Rome make you wash off the paint and stuff too?" asked America after it was all over.

"Yes I did, because he might have gotten stuff in the pasta," boomed a friendly voice. America got all happy again and told Rome about Greece. Greece himself, who hadn't gotten a say in anything so far, looked over the two new relatives. His uncle hardly looked much older than himself, but certainly as cheery as America. His grandfather seemed very fun too, with laugh lines around his mouth and a smile twinkling in his eyes. Yes, that's kind of impossible, but with Rome, it worked.

When they left, Italy came along too, with Rome saying that he just had to be home before dinner, as they moved on to the next house. This house was certainly normal, though. It had a classical look to it as well as a normal looking garden in the front and a picture window that showed off a grand piano. To top it all off (literally) was an ornate chimney that was actually being used. Greece had a feeling this was just to show off.

They walked up to the picture book house and pressed the doorbell which, uniquely, had a normal ring. The door was opened by Hungary, holding a frying pan at her side as if she expected it to be Prussia or France. When she saw the four, she relaxed and smiled. After introductions, she started talking to Greece.

"It's great to have someone new in the neighborhood! Just stay away from your cousin, France. If he bothers you, just let me know," Hungary told him, smiling sweetly. Greece eyed the frying pan suspiciously. They left soon after, seeing as Austria was busy writing a masterpiece so they couldn't talk to him.

Next up was a house that Greece was surprised they actually turned to instead of passed. If the barbed wire fence and multiple KEEP OUT signs were any judge, this might be a government base. America, Sealand, and Italy, however, ducked through a hole in the fence and beckoned him to follow, which he did reluctantly. However, as they stepped onto the driveway and began to head up, the garage roared open.

Behind it was a full sized, fully armed, army brand tank, with a super irratated, blonde, beret wearing head sticking out the top.

"GET THE HELL OFF MY LAWN BEFORE I BLOW YOU OFF!" Switzerland screamed at them. Italy was the first out, followed by a very startled Sealand, and ended with America pushing Greece through and then following. After they passed America and Greece's own house, which was next door, the stopped running to catch their breath.

"When...did he...get a...tank?" America asked between pants.

"I always thought...it was just...a shotgun!" responded Sealand.

"Why would you go...through his yard anyway?" questioned Greece in his normal speech pattern.

The three others looked at him as if he had just suggested burning England's alcohol stash.

"It's a shortcut," stated Sealand as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Greece felt embarrassed at his question, even though he was the only one making sense. Next up was an old, haunted looking house. Even though it was sunny out, there was a dark aura emanating around it. However, there were sunflowers lining the front of the house in stark contrast to the rest of it. As Greece examined it, America just shuddered.

"H-hey guys, here's an idea, why don't we just skip this house?" suggested America nervously. The others quickly nodded in relief.

"Why?" asked Greece, not sure if he wanted to know what sort of monster the house held.

Just then, an old creaky shutter on the house slammed open and a large nosed, purple eyed face appeared in the narrow window.

"Kolkolkol..."

Five seconds later, they were standing at the top of Poland's long candy driveway, shuddering to themselves. The door was once again flung open (Greece figured that door repairmen must make a fortune in this area) to a still sparking and pink Poland. But then again, that wasn't much different than his usual. At least, America noted, he wasn't wearing girl's clothes. He wanted his friend to make a good impression on his brother.

"Oh my God, like, HI America! You and Italy and Sealand are, like, here! We can totally go play with my ponies now!" America noticed Greece raise an eyebrow and got rid of the 'good first impression' idea. Oh well, Poland was really nice, Greece and him were sure to get along.

As they went on with the introductions, Greece once again examined the person in front of him. The problem was, he couldn't quite tell what gender Poland was. It sounded like a boy and seemed to be friends with all these boys as well. On the other hand, there weren't too many girls to hang out with as far as he could tell, and everything about Poland was pink, from its house to its clothes. And a pony stable in his back yard?

They left after a short conversation of fairies versus unicorns and Sealand went across the street and around the corner to his own house. Italy walked with the brother's to their house, since his own house was at the other end of the same street. It was near sunset and about time to go home. They talked about the neighbors as they walked.

"So, Greece, what do ya think of Poland? He's one of my best friends, so I hope you like him," said America. Greece noted the 'he' with a bit of disbelief.

"He seemed nice..." Greece said.

"Ve~ He is, isn't he?" Italy responded. Then, after crossing the street to avoid Russia's house, they were back at the two's house. They said their goodbyes, but then Italy seemed to remember something.

"Before I forget, here's the gelato I promised Brother!" he said, pulling a large bowl from seemingly nowhere. America took it with the hand not carrying the basket of tomatoes and thanked him as Greece wondered where he got the bowl from. Finally he decided that this particular neighborhood lived within its own dimension and totally ignored all laws of reality.

They went inside where Romano was very pleased to see that Greece was in one, sane, normally colored piece. He noticed that America was also back and stopped being relieved.

"Hey dad! Greece met everyone and Spain says hi and Gilbird actually belonged to Prussia so we gave him back Switzerland and has a tank now and Austria's writing another masterpiece and here's some tomatoes and gelato!" America said, shoving the bowl and basket into Romano's arms. Romano growled, then set them on the kitchen table before going off in search of Motrin for his mysteriously returning headache.

After they all had dinner (America noticed that Romano had a bit too much fun slicing up the tomatoes for the pasta), Greece and America went up to their room, where they were faced with a problem.

"Hm, my bed can only fit one person," America noted, "so I'll heroically take the floor!"

"You don't...have too," Greece said,"...I can get comfortable in a chair."

"But I would be a terrible brother if I let you on the ground!"

They went on like this for a while before America got a great, fabulous, awesome, amazing idea. He yanked the covers off of his bed, and them heaved the mattress off and balanced it next to a chair a little away. Next, he took a few covers and draped them on top of the bedposts and mattress. Then, with Greece's help since he now knew what they were doing, they got a bunch of pillows and blankets from the hall closet (not the happy closet, that's downstairs) and made a big comfy pile inside the fort. America ran downstairs as Greece added some finishing touches and asked China for the gelato and some spoons.

After the course of about ten minutes, there stood what must truly be the most awesome blanket fort in existence. The two brothers got in and made themselves cozy on their own halves of the fort. They placed the gelato in the middle and split it as they talked about stuff like robots and hot wheels and other things ten year old boys talk about. Finally, after Romano came in and told America to stop having fun and for Greece to sleep well, they relaxed into their own piles of pillows.

While lying awake and thinking of the day's excitement, America resolved that he was wrong to be happy about a new brother. He should've been much more than that.

**A/N Cheesy ending is cheesy. And anyways, FINALLY! I got this done! I actually worked two days on this because**

**A) I'm pathetic and have a very short attention span.**

**B) I was trying to get more words in this than my friend, if you can tell. I beat her, but you need to check out her story. It has zombies and Hetalia, which is an algorithm for awesome. It's called Kino der Toten...I think.**

**But, please review and I'll try harder to write a new, probably shorter chapter!**


	5. Filler SUPERCRACK

**DISCLAIMER I DON'T OWN HETALIA BUT I OWN MY IDEAS BUT I DON'T OWN HETALIA BECAUSE I WOULDN'T MAKE SOMETHING LIKE THAT BECAUSE I CAN'T.**

Romano was being a stupid mean jobless father as usual when suddenly a jar flew through the window. Naturally, he was all like WTF and was even more so when he opened it and saw a note inside. The note said,

"HEY DAD UNCLE ENGLAND SAID HE'S COMING OVER FOR A VISIT SOON AND I'M GOING TO GO WITH GREECE TO PLAY ON SWITZERLAND'S YARD."

Romano was very upset by this note because he hated his stupid drunk disowned brother. Then he noticed the part about Switzerland's yard and sent up a quick prayer that America was noticed and Greece got out quick enough. But then he got a lot of boards and nails from nowhere and boarded up all the doors and windows like the English army was coming. But really, it was worse than that. A DRUNK English army was coming.

As soon as everything was closed up, Romano ran to the kitchen and stood there with a pizza cutter held menacingly in front of him. Then he heard a crash and through a brick wall came England.

"O HAI BROTHER OF MINE," said England.

"GTF OUT OF MY HOUSE," said Romano.

Then England's unicorn army broke through the wall behind him as a light came down from the ceiling.

"I HAVE THE POWERRRRR!" England yelled and went into Britannia Angel mode.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF," said Romano and chucked the pizza cutter at him before running pantry. The unicorns ran rampant through the house as Romano pulled out the robotic tomato minions he had created.

"GO MY CHILDREN WHO I LOVE MORE THAN AMERICA AND PROTECT THIS HOUSE," Romano directed. The tomatoes went out and took down the unicorns. Romano was very happy but then England interrupted his joy.

"GO MY CALVARY!" And then through the hole in the wall nothing came in. Instead, a new hole was formed and through it came the calvary. It was a lot of flying mint bunnies. The new brigade shot beams of rainbows and dreams out of their eyes and turned Romano's tomatoes into potatoes. Romano screamed like the man-woman he is and ran to his happy closet.

He was curled in the fetal position as the bunnies, potatoes, and Angel ran around his house stealing his stuff and breaking objects of no importance.

"It's very comfortable in here, da?" came a voice from behind him.

"HOLY MOTHER OF PASTA THERE'S A HOMOCIDAL NUT IN MY CLOSET," Romano yelled. He then cried and ran to Sweden and Finland's house.

Then Greece and America came home covered in scorch marks.

"O HAI UNCLE ENGLAND AND CREEPY NEIGHBOR," America said.

"HAI THAR," responded England. Then Greece decided he wanted them out and by the power of sheer will, the Greek army of kitties appeared and ran the bunnies and potatoes and England out.

"THAT'S COOL," said America. Then America went to go break into Japan's house for fun and Greece took a nap in the wreckage BECAUSE HE CAN.

So Japan was reading and then America jumped in through the window.

"WTF?" Japan asked. "THIS IS THE SECOND FLOOR."

"I'M A HERO I CAN DO ANYTHING," said America. Japan freaked out jumped out the window and floated away to a sushi restaurant on a cloud of srz bizness. America got lonely and went to Poland's house.

"HAI POLAND."

"LIKE HAI."

I'M BORED."

"LET'S, LIKE, GO, LIKE, TOTES PLAY WITH MAH PONIES, LIKE."

"M'KAY." So they went to the backyard and Poland mounted Sparkleshine while America jumped onto Darklord the Slayer. And they flew off. Then they realized ponies can't fly. So they plummeted down and crushed Russia's sunflowers.

"KOLKOLKOLKOLKOLKOL"

And they ran away and screamed for help. Then, out of the dimension of awesome, China came and used super-ninja-action powers to knock Russia unconcious and regrow the sunflowers.

"OMG YOU ROCK MOM," said America.

"I KNOW ARU," said China.

And then they all flew off into the sunset and lived happily ever after.

And then France tried to grope GERMANLY and died. And Prussia was all like "NUUUU HE WAS MAH FRIEND," and GERMANLY was all like "I HATE HIM HE'S STUPID," and Prussia was all like "AWESOME PUNCH," and GERMANLY was all like "NUUUUUU" and died. But then Britannia Angel spread sparkles of happiness and dreams and corniness and they all came back to life and lived happily ever after.

Unforunately, Switzerland decided he hated everyone so his tank and him destroyed most of the neighborhood. Except everyone survived. And then Austria went all "CCCCHHHHOOOPPPPPPIIINNNN" on his piano angrily and Switzerland heard it and it's beauty and felt bad about what he did. So he rebuilt the neighborhood and destroyed Austria's piano. And since Austria's piano is his only reason for his exsistence Austria turned emo. So Hungary went to Prussia for help.

"YOU NEED TO MAKE AUSTRIA AN AWESOME PIANO."

"WHY WOULD THE AWESOME ME DO SOMETHING UNAWESOME LIKE THAT."

"BECAUSE I NOW HAVE SPIKES ON MY FRYING PAN."

So after a few dents and holes in his head, Prussia weaved a piano out of the sheer awesomeness in the air that surrounded him. And Austria squealed happily and didn't kill himself. And they lived happily ever after.

Oh yeah, I forgot Romano. He came home and yelled at America that he was adopted. America got sad and then Sealand popped out of nowhere.

"YOU ARE A BIG JERK AND YOU WILL BE PUNISHED," he said.

"TRY ME," said the failure of a father.

"YOU ARE CURSED TO EATING PAPA ENGLAND'S FOOD FOR ALL ETERNITY." And then Romano said things I refuse to repeat.

Then everyone finally lived happily ever after.

**A/N **

**NOTE TO SELF;  
A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.  
****Seven heaping spoonfuls and some chocolate syrup makes this. **


	6. Counseling

**Ffffff this took unnecessarily long to write. Procrastination is both a terrible and wonderful thing, kids.**

**DISCLAIMER If I owned Hetalia, this would all be canon.**

Romano was grumpily walking through the mall a little ways from his house. America was walking besides him, not as grumpy (it's a proven fact that you can only be grumpier than Romano if you're Switzerland) but still pretty upset. China had very near literally kicked the two out of the house, yelling that they needed to have more father-son time. Meanwhile, he was taking Greece, who Romano would MUCH rather be with, out to buy stuff for his new room. The room Greece was moving into was the one England had smashed through a while ago, and they recently had it fixed.

Finally, America, never one for silence, decided to break it like a sledgehammer through a plaster wall.

"Dad, what's that thing on your hair?" Romano turned to look at him with a combination of utter disgust (but he always looks at America like that, so it doesn't count) and curiosity.

"What the hell do you mean?" So America stood on his toes and reached up to the curl that stood out from Romano's head.

"That pie-" America was cut short, however, by Romano jumping in the air and shouting. His face had blushed a deep red and he looked pissed. I mean, really pissed. Even the disgust left his face (well, almost) for the pissiness.

"WHAT THE HELL, YOU IDIOTA?" he screamed. "DON'T TOUCH THAT! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, YOU ADOPTED PIECE OF..." He tapered off as he noticed that he had gathered a crowd. Then, sliding through the crowd as if friction meant crap to him, came a man with spiked up hair followed by a woman who could be his sister. Romano paled as he saw the logos on their shirts for child protective services.

"Hello sir. I am afraid we will have to bring you in for a bit," said the man, whose name tag read 'Netherlands'. His voice was very cool sounding, fitting for someone cool enough to defy friction like a penguin.

"Yup, I'll just take this cute little boy here until we're done!" piped the very cheerful looking woman, apparently 'Belgium'. Her mouth seemed set in a sideways three shape. She took America's hand and led him outside with Netherlands close behind, gripping Romano's wrist in a rather less friendly manner.

A while later, Romano was sitting on a bench, fidgeting. America was on a bench across from him, although farther down, devouring a large multicolored lollipop from Belgium. He didn't doubt the fact that she was certainly the one to deal with kids, because he doubted anyone could coo about America being 'cute' unless they were being paid for it. Even if it seemed genuine. The lollipop that kept his big mouth shut was definitely a contributing factor, though.

Finally, the duo came out from the office they had interviewed the two in. Romano was praying in his head that nothing terribly bad happened. Don't get him wrong, he wanted to get rid of the brat, but China would go ninja on his super-terrified ass. And then try to get the idiot back. Maybe even resorting to breaking in all ninja-like and taking him back. Netherlands began to speak, and he had to put a lid on his over-exaggerating imagination for the moment.

"Well," said the voice that slipped through the air like it was avoiding drag force as much as it's counterpart avoided friction, "we won't take America from you." Romano added a thank you to the end of his prayer. "But," Nonono, buts are bad, very bad. "we are going to have to recommend some counseling classes."

"And by recommend, we mean if you don't, we will take America as well as his brother and you can never care for a child again!" Belgium chirped happily. Romano paled. Counseling sessions with that imbecile, or losing Greece as well and certainly facing death from China. Hmm, decisions decisions...

Romano chose life.

Belgium grinned in a cat-like way. "That's brilliant! Now, let's go meet your counselors!" As the two stood up, America running to hold hands with Belgium and Netherlands carefully watching Romano, Romano thought how lucky he was that he would get away from that woman. Sure, she was nice and all, but she was too...cheery. And Romano hates happiness.

They entered a nice looking room at the end of the hall with two soft looking couches and two desks, each with swivel chairs and computers. As Romano and America sat as far away from each other as possible on the couches, Belgium and Netherlands quickly spun on the spot in a swirl of color. When they stopped, the two looking in amazement, they saw...

"Oh, for the love of Christ."

Yep, there were the two officers, now out of their uniforms and in comfortable looking clothes covered by long white coats that each had a PhD tag. America looked excited while Romano just buried his head in his hands.

"Wow, are you two superheroes?" asked America, eyes practically sparkling. Belgium giggled and Netherlands just kept on looking cool. They didn't answer his question, though, and instead took seats on the other couch.

"So, we're gonna try to find the root of your problem and fix it. Let's start with Mr. Grumpy," Belgium sang. Romano looked up slightly when he heard this and America held back a laugh that his dad had responded to the name. "So, why do you hate America?"

"Well, for one he's always cheerful. I hate cheerful. He's also loud and annoying. I mean, really annoying. Once he starts, he WON'T SHUT UP. And don't get me started on his weird friends. Well, ok, most of them are related to us, but still. And he always eats too much and I'm worried that he's going to taint Greece with his disgusting America-ness. He prattles on about being a hero, but really, I'm tempted to toss him out a window so he can see he can't fly. Need I continue?" Romano glared directly into the two's eyes. America was slightly shocked but also feeling lucky that none of the enraged Italian's hand gestures had hit him. Belgium wondered if he needed to breathe and Netherlands was thinking about the finer points of quantum physics in relation to forty two because he's that cool.

"...Well then. Now let's see what America thinks," Belgium trilled after an awkward silence. Romano rolled his eyes and prepared to cover his ears.

"Well, dad's just a big jerk. He's always mean to me and stuff. He tells me to stop being me every day. And," America added, glaring reproachfully at his dad, "he told me that Superman isn't real." Belgium clapped a hand over her mouth at the last part. Romano was surprised that it wasn't longer. Netherlands, meanwhile, was contemplating that in the sphere of thought, absurdity and perversity remain the masters of the world, and their dominion is suspended only for brief periods.

"H...how could you say such a thing to him? What else did you say, that Santa Claus isn't real?" Belgium asked, dead serious, and not speaking in a way that represents a bird.

"Santa? Oh, yeah," America said. "Apparently Finland is Santa Claus and the UPS men are the elves. Right dad?" Romano was trying to disappear beneath both Belgium and Netherlands loathing glares.

"Well, erm, you see, he was...and Finland IS...and for the love of God, stop that! It's terrifying!" Romano snapped. Then Netherlands spoke.

"Well, it seems that you two have a very tense relationship and need to spend more time with each other, contemplating your difference and how to solve the problems that fracture it." As America decoded this in his brain, Romano was visibly wincing.

"W-what? If you think I'm going to spend more time with this damn kid, you must be crazy! And big words won't hide it!" Romano shouted, standing up.

"Well, your second choice is to read this," Belgium lilted, walking behind a desk, then leaning down to pick up a large book. She carried it over and, with superhuman strength, tossed it to Romano. He practically flew backwards onto the couch, which creaked in protest. Romano squirmed under the book and tried to get into an upright sitting position. America looked at Belgium with even more awe than before.

"God, are you hiding rocks in here or something?" Romano muttered, and, just in case, opened the book to check. Instead of rocks, he found small print. He groaned.

"Which one?" Belgium chirruped and looked at him happily. Romano felt like she was smirking at him, though, and swore that her eyes were saying _'You really have no choice in this~'. _Romano looked at the book in his lap that was removing all feeling in his legs, then to America watching him with anticipation. Then to the book, and back to America. Goddammit.

"Fine, I'll take the book."

This is why, about a half hour later, the two walked in, America staggering under the book he had been made to carry, and Romano sported a horrid headache. China, however angrily asked where they had been and about how he had been so worried. As Romano tried to explain what was going on while searching for Tylenol, and America went with Greece to see his new room.

At the end of the day, they all were gathered in the family room. It was a typical family scenario; China sipping tea and watching the kids, who were playing trains vs Transformers, and Romano in a large armchair in the corner forcing himself through the book. Then, there was a knock on the door. America, whose Transformers were losing to the trains, jumped up to go get it. China shouted after him to remember that if it was France, Russia, or Uncle England to not answer was a reply of confirmation and the door opened.

"Oh, hi Ms. Belgium and Mr. Netherlands!" Romano heard America say. He nearly double-took as he shoved the brick off of his lap and ran to the door. Yes, as a matter of fact, it was the two. Belgium waved cheerfully.

"Hello, Romano! We came by to let you know that we're your new neighbors!" she twittered. Netherlands nodded in confirmation to his sister's comment as he tried to keep his coolness from freezing the house.

"What? Why are you living here? Why not back where you used to live?" Romano burst out.

"We only moved here recently and set up the child protective services and counseling office. There was an open house next to an overexcited Spainiard, so we decided to stay here," Netherlands explained, cooler than ice cream. "And, pardon me for saying, but this neighborhood is a freaking gold mine for our professions." Romano stood there, taking this all in. Admittedly, he could see how this neighborhood would benefit them, but...

"Wait! How did you find out where we live?" He shouted. Netherlands just stared right into his eyes and Romano had the horrible sensation that his mind was being probed. His happy closet seemed very appealing right now. Belgium nervously coughed and said that they should get going now.

They found themselves back in the family, going back to where they were before, except for the fact that Greece had fallen asleep on the floor.

"Who was it, aru?" questioned China. Romano sighed.

"More neighbors. These guys think they can actually fix our neighborhood," he replied. China laughed.

"How long do you think they'll last, aru?" China asked as America gently shook his brother awake and the two went upstairs to prepare for bed.

"Two weeks tops."

"I say three, aru."

"You're on."

**A/N Is it just me, or is this much shorter than usual? I dunno, maybe because I wrote this at random intervals over the week...really, it's the third shortest, not counting the supercrack chapter. Huh. Anyways, this may seem rushed because it is. It's not my favorite, but I started it and had this idea and wanted to finish it. Because if I didn't, the half-finished ghost would haunt me -.-0 Anyways, ONTO MY NEXT FEW IDEAS!  
Btw, if Belaruscotland is reading this, STOP BEING A CREEPER!**


	7. Skating Party

**DISCLAIMER: Look at Hidekaz Himaruya, no back to me, now back to Hidekaz Himaruya, now back to me. Sadly, I'm not him. But if I stopping parodying popular commercials and started this story...I still wouldn't be him.**

A skating party. A goddamn skating party. How old does Taiwan think Romano is? Skating parties are just fine for the kids, but these are adults as well. Adults don't have skating parties. It's just weird and immature and stuff. Seriously...

Ok, yeah, Romano loves to skate.

It was exactly this that China was bothering him about as they were waiting to enter. Meanwhile, behind them came in England, sober for now, and an unidentified person.

"Hellllllo there," England said. Scratch the sober part. "This here is my old relative of some sort from outta town. New Sealand or something." New Sealand sighed and facepalmed.

"New ZEALAND. For the love of God, I came before Sealand! You should know this!" he responded.

"Whaaaatever. Who cares?"

"I will go Lord of the Rings on your ass."

As they passed by, bickering about who had the ultimate authority over Lord of the Rings powers, which New Zealand won by the way, China's cell rung. After he checked his phone, he sighed.

"Sorry, I can't go in. I got a call from work and I have to leave, aru. Oh yeah, and Greece is staying home with Japan and Norway. Have fun, aru!" China told them and left. Romano blinked. Oh HELL no. Why does the world hate him so? Nobody SANE is going to be here, are they?

As he thought this, a certain creep walked by with his menacing aura and disturbing grin, followed by an even creepier creep chanting about marriage. Of course.

As they entered, America got very excited. Oh yeah, Romano forgot to mention that the little brat was with him. Well, you now know he is, no matter how much Romano hopes otherwise. Anyway, America ran up to give Taiwan a hug and handed her a present. After she thanked him, the unnaturally hyper midget got skates on. And, to make the party even better, France was there as well, and made his presence known by walking up behind Romano and saying "Bonjour, Romano~" Romano flipped out and nearly hit him with his skates.

"What the hell, France?" he yelled. France pouted.

"Oh, I can't say hi to my uncle?" he said moodily.

"Wh...but you're almost as old as me, how does that work?"

"I don't know, why are you asking me?" Before Romano could wonder any more, America skated by, grabbed each of their arms, and dragged them onto the rink.

"THIS IS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN!" America shouted gleefully as he stepped onto the rink, dragging the two along. They were followed by Russia, who was in turn followed by Belarus.

And so they skated. After Russia figured out that Belarus couldn't skate well, he took to stalking America, because Romano was off with France, most likely being chased. As America was making cheery conversation with Russia, they heard that it was time for food. Russia blinked and America was gone. Romano and France, a bit farther ahead of Russia, felt a gust of wind. Taiwan, who was at the table, saw a blur in the air, and then there was America sitting in front of her. A while later, everyone else showed up. As they waited for the food, drinks were served.

"What are these drinks?" asked America.

"Um, this is water and this is...Sierra Mist," the waitress, who was rather pale with suspiciously red eyes, as...she gestured to the drinks. America shrugged and grabbed the water pitcher while everyone else had the other soda. Romano noticed that it's smell was reminiscent of something that wasn't Sierra Mist, but didn't pay it any mind as he poured some into his cup.

At the table were, counter-clockwise, Taiwan at the head of the table, France, America, Romano, New Zealand at the other end of the table, England, Russia, and then Belarus. And Germany was somewhere too. What was a bit odd, though, was the fact that New Zealand and England were in, erm, togas. When did they get them? Then again, did it matter?

"Poor New Sealand kid has been contaminated by that idiot," Romano muttered into his drink while looking around suspiciously for any soda thieves. It was interesting, really. The drink had the taste of wine...and he was getting a bit fuzzy...but it was Sierra Mist, right?

Meanwhile, America was wondering where the food was as Belarus was creeping on him and Russia was happily watching England and New Zealand in their interesting wardrobe taking shots of the soda. Then an announcement went off for backwards skating and Romano's head shot up. He stood up and grabbed America's arm.

"You, come and break your neck with me!" Romano commanded as he dragged a confused America through a crowd of people. America decided to follow along. It wasn't every day that his dad wanted to do something fun, and he wasn't going to give up this chance.

His mind changed when they were actually on the floor and he was shoving himself backwards along the wall as Romano somehow managed to skate in place. Everyone else on the rink at the time was skating backwards swiftly and staring strangely at the two. Finally, it was over, and they heard that the food was officially there. Once again, America cut a hole in time and appeared at the table as all the others, who had gone off to play ski ball or waste money on claw machines, returned.

As they ate the pizza, America inhaling it as usual, England and New Zealand went back to their shots. They were getting increasingly tipsier and were now sporting viking hats. The waitress was glancing over at the table and laughing with a Spainish looking cook by the kitchen. America, still drinking water, looked suspiciously at the Sierra Mist pitcher. As France started to do the Dougie and Romano tried with him, America realized that maybe it wasn't soda. So, he switched the pitchers as discreetly as he could. And spilled one. Before anyone could notice much, though, a Justin Bieber song came on. France's eyes widened.

"Oh my God, Justin Bieber!" he squealed and started to sing along as Romano and America practically tackled him and the others, mainly the ones that were sober enough, shouted "NO!" Germany, who had passed out drunk in a corner-not like there was anything in the soda-, twitched a little. After France finally shut up, the cake came out. Also, it was noticed that the water wasn't 'Sierra Mist'. America couldn't change it back again because he was, at the moment, quite sugar high and bouncing in his seat, yelling at everyone near him about...well, he really couldn't remember afterwards, but it seemed important at the time.

Soon, they returned to the rink. As they were skating around, the music slowed down and couple skating was announced. America, ignoring the protesting shouts of New Zealand as England chased him asking to skate together, was shocked to see Russia and Romano skating together.

"D-dad?" he asked, obviously unheard over the loudness of the people in the area. He then whipped around and skated over to France.

"France, I need you to skate with me!" America demanded. France blinked.

"Why, mon cher?" he replied.

"Because...because dad's skating with Russia and I need to save him! He's scared of Russia!" America shouted, very worried looking. France looked shocked and betrayed.

"What? But he promised he would skate with me! Come on!" Before America comprehended what he said, France grabbed his hand and skated towards the two. As soon as they came up, France snatched Romano's hand and let go of America as Romano released Russia and the new pair skated away. Russia, who was as sure of what just happened as a tree is aware of quantum physics, turned to the equally confused America.

"Well I suppose that just leaves us two, da?" Russia said. America, oblivious as usually smiled.

"Ok then!" he said cheerily. And the two went off. However, they started skating closer to Romano and France. Finally, Russia unfastened his hand from America's and went off with France, leaving just the father and son. Romano blinked unsurely for a second, and then cupped his hands over his mouth.

"RUSSIA YOU WOMANIZER!" he yelled after the retreating forms. Then he grumbled for a bit and noticed America. Romano then set his face determinedly. "I suppose I should skate with you now." America's eyes practically glowed, which is kinda creepy when you think about it.

"That sounds great dad!" America exclaimed. So they went off together as well.

Unfortunately, it was soon over, as well as the skating party. Germany was picked up (literally) by Prussia, who had come from the direction of the changing rooms which are nowhere near the door, which is quite strange when you think about it. And while you're thinking about it, what's in the bag he has that looks suspiciously like clothing? Spain, who came from the kitchen area, offered to lead France home. To a careful onlooker, Spain and Prussia seemed to have high-fived. Sealand came in and helped Taiwan point England and New Zealand, who Sealand was trying to convince that his name was New Sealand, in the direction of England's house. Russia left, whistling his anthem and swinging a bottle of vodka that appeared from nowhere and was closely afterwards followed by Belarus.

Finally, China came to pick up Romano and America. Of course, he was initially shocked at seeing Romano leaning on America while smiling and double checked to make sure that it was really his husband and not his brother in law. Then China realized that he was probably drunk. Of course. He took Romano off of America and thanked Taiwan for inviting them to the party and leading the two out to the car.

"So, how was the party, aru?" China asked them. Romano, laying across the back row of seats, sat up a bit.

"It was fun. Russia's and good skater," he said,then thought for a moment. "So is France too. And America." China was slightly surprised, but shook it off.

"It was awesome!" answered America, sitting in the passenger's seat. "Dad was nice and Russia wasn't as creepy and England and New Sealand were acting funny and creepy stalker girl was creeping on people not Russia and Germany was passed out in a corner and the waitress looked kinda like someone we know and France was teaching dad how to Dougie and there was probably something in the Sierra Mist and I had a lot of fun!" China, being experienced with talking to America, decoded what he said and under a minute.

"Please don't tell me you had Sierra Mist, aru."

"No way, I don't like that."

"Thank God, aru."

"Why not? It was good," said Romano from the back seat. Then America chimed in.

"It's alright though because I did have sugar because I ate plenty of cake!" China sighed and hoped that he would have a sugar crash before they got home.

Lucky for him, America did. By the time they got home, the kid was nearly asleep. China unbuckled his son and husband and carried/led them into the house. He went upstairs to get changed into his pajamas as Romano collapsed on the couch to sleep. America also noticed that walking upstairs would be too much effort and decided to sleep downstairs as well. But where to sleep...

China came back down and walked into the family room, where he had left the two. As soon as he came in, he froze. A soft smile then came to his face. America and Romano were both on the couch, sound asleep, and Romano had his arms around America in a hug. America looked happy and even Romano had a small smile. China just turned off the lights and whispered, "Sleep well, aru."

**A/N Cheesy ending is cheesy, but this story needs more cheese :3**

**Ok, most of the actual skating party portion happened on our dear Taiwan's birthday, because I couldn't think up half the crazy shiz that went down there XD This actually happened almost a month ago...or a few weeks ago...I dunno, so my memory's kinda fuzzy. The thing with the Sierra Mist, though, was that everyone who had it, which was everyone except me because I don't like it, said they thought it was alcoholic. Oh and in this, Prussia and Spain were just jealous they weren't invited. The New Sealand thing is because my spellcheck keeps trying to convince me that Zealand is Sealand. Any questions?**

**Oh, and by the way Belaruscotland, besides the fact that Scotland only has one 'T', I mentioned you in this story, so are you happy? And Italy practically had a heart attack when she saw that you found this story XD**


	8. Another Random Day

**A/N This is a bunch of random little chapter ideas crammed into one thing. Enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hetalia, but I would like to own a McDonald's hot CHOCOLATE.**

Romano was once again more pissed than usual. Ever since he woke up the morning after the skating party, America had been following him nonstop with the impression that his father actually LIKES him now. Romano, on the other hand, was wondering just what the hell happened at the party to result in showing affection towards the little brat. As Romano was telling America to shut up and for what was probably the twenty third time today, China walked in.

"Good morning, aru! How did you sleep, aru?" he greeted, even if the last part sounded pretty sly sounding. Romano returned it with a glare.

"I think you know damn well how I slept, and can you get this THING off of me?" he snapped, his patience worn down so much that he was even rude towards his wife. China frowned.

"Aw, but you're finally getting along, aru!"

"Wh-NO I'M NOT! He's just following me around all the damn time and won't leave me the hell alone!"

"Mmmhmmm, I'm so sure, aru..."

"Goddam-HOLY CRAP!" Romano suddenly stopped ranted and jumped a foot in the air.

"What's wrong, dad?" America asked, worried. He hadn't picked up on the fact that his father really still hates him.

"Th-th-there's a flipping centipede! Gah, someone kill it!" he yelled while backing away from the insect. China sighed.

"I got it, aru." he said and, grabbing a shoe, began to smack it relentlessly. Romano, who was now on the other side of the couch, peeked up.

"I-is it dead?"

"Yes, aru."

"Wow, dad, I'm gonna start calling you mom instead."

"SH-SHUT UP!"

* * *

A while later, Romano was in the living room while China was sitting in a another chair nearby, reading. America, however, was still following Romano. Greece was still sleeping (it's only eleven in the morning!) and America was laying across a chair on his stomach, the bottom half of his face covered by his crossed arms.

"Dad?" he asked through his arms.

"What do you want?" Romano responded.

"'M bor," he said, voice being muffled by how he was sitting. Romano looked up in confusion.

"Is that Swedish?" he asked.

"I said, I'm bored!" America repeated sitting up. Romano looked rather foolish.

"Um, yeah, I knew that," he muttered. China marked his place in his book and stood up.

"I know, how about we go to McDonald's for a hot **CHOCOLATE**," he suggested. America's face brightened and he stood up too.

"That's an awesome idea! I'll go wake up Greece, he loves McDonald's hot** CHOCOLATE** too!" And with that, he ran upstairs. Romano groaned, but got up as well, stretching.

"Well, I do like hot **CHOCOLATE**, so that sounds like a plan," he said as he went to get the keys. And so, they all had a nice hot **CHOCOLATE**.

* * *

Later that day, after they came back from having a hot** CHOCOLATE**, they decided they should make it a family day. 'They', of course, being China and America, as well as Greece's indifference. Romano had no say in it, obviously, and was now grudgingly walking alongside China in the park. America had Greece and was now dashing around like an idiot in front of them pointing out things like "Wow, look at that tree!" and "Look! A squirrel!" When America, still dragging Greece, had run rather far ahead, Romano was about to call for them to come back when China stopped him.

"Come on, we can run up and catch them, aru," he said cheerily. Romano sighed.

"Fine," he responded, knowing that any objections would be swiftly ignored. As they began to run after their sons, Romano tripped over nothing and fell on his face. China stopped and turned back to him.

"Are you alright, aru?" he asked with concern. Romano sat up and muttered a few curses to himself.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Now let's just go get the kids," he responded, and got up and started jogging, trying to pretend it hadn't happened. As soon as he was out of earshot, China started laughing.

* * *

Later along the park's path, they came across a nice field area and a bench. As Romano sat down with relief, America ran off to play with Greece following because he knew if he didn't, America would come and get him anyway. China took a seat next to his husband and then looked behind the bench as something caught his eye. Then he grinned.

"Look, it's a guitar, aru!" he said, reaching back to get it. "Hey, don't you know how to play it, aru?"

"No," Romano replied.

"Lyre, aru,"

"Not that either...wait...oh, haha. But still, I'm not going to play it."

"Ah, so you admit you can."

"Sh-shut up! I never said that!"

"Come on, please play a song, aru!" Romano finally gave in and took it.

"Fine," he said and held it correctly.

_"Fly me to the moon_

_Let me play among the stars_

_Let me see what spring is like_

_On Jupiter and Mars._

_In other words, hold my hand._

_In other words, baby, kiss me."_

China smiled all the way through, and when Romano concluded, he gave him a kiss.

"That was great, aru!"

"Th-thanks..." Romano said nervously, blushing. Then America and Greece ran over.

"Woah, dad can play an instrument!" America shouted with awe in his voice, shattering the moment like a badly hit baseball through a window.

"Why are you so surprised? Gah, I hate you!" Romano snapped.

"I love you too dad~" America obliviously responded.

* * *

It was night, finally. Romano fell into bed, literally, and shut his eyes. He was done with today and maybe tomorrow something good would happen, like America being abducted by aliens. Just as he was about to fall into a dream about said circumstance, speak of the devil, America shook him awake.

"Dad? I'm scared," he whimpered.

"I don't care, go get your mom instead," he said, not in the mood to deal with him.

"Please! I'll give you a hug!" America said.

"Is that a reward or a punishment?" Romano cautiously asked.

"Just do it!" he pleaded.

"Fine!" Romano replied, highly annoyed. Wow, he was giving in a lot today. He got up and walked to America's room. Once they were there he looked around.

"What's wrong? There isn't anything-" He was cut off by a clanking in the heater. America squeaked and hid behind Romano.

"Th-th-there's something in the heater!" he yelled shrilly. Romano rolled his eyes.

"That's just it working, now go too..." Romano once again stopped as he noticed that instead of heat, the heater was sending out coldness. As he stepped slowly towards it to investigate, a pair of eyes showed from in between the slits in the front.

"Hello neighbor...kolkolkol..."

Romano was suddenly not there anymore, just a Romano-shaped cloud of dust. Menwhile, the happy closet was occupied by a slowly-rocking Romano clutching a wine bottle and a shotgun, muttering anti-Russia chants. America ran out after him and spent the night in Greece's room instead.

* * *

The author was sitting on her bed, typing on her laptop and giggling at her own wit every so often when suddenly her door opened in a hesitant, but slightly angry way. Just as she looked up to yell at whomever for coming in without knocking, she stopped with the words on her mouth. Nobody was there. She shrugged and was about to return to typing when the door swung closed. By itself. She stared at it bewildered, eyes open and gaping like an idiot. As she shook her head trying to get the world to make sense, she thought she heard something. It sounded like a voice, muffled by a blanket or two or three or ten. Slowly, though, it got louder until she could make out words.

"...don't even KNOW what the hell that was aboot! MAPLEHOCKEY you're such a stupid hoser just like your country! I swear, everyone in my brother's place...and really, a chapter about COUNCILING but not the ghost in the attic? I don't know aboot you, but I think ghosts are FAR more interesting than their family life!" Before her eyes, the shape of a person started to form as well. A person with blond hair, glasses, and a bit of hair sticking out. Her face became more excited than shocked.

"HOlY CRAP!" she yelled. "AMERICA IS IN MY FREAKING ROOM!" As she proceeded to have a fangirl spasm, the figure looked ready to drive a hockey stick through her head.

"I'm CANADA! C-A-N-A-D-A! Hell, I exist you know! Look at a map you damn-"

"Oh, hehe, sorry aboot, erm, about that," she responded sheepishly. "I kinda...and I thought...anyway, what brings you here?" Canadia-I MEAN CANADA, CANADA-stopped ranting and turn to face her, now in srz bizniz mode.

"I'm here to complain about your stories, and you don't have a chainsaw, so I'll continue!" he began. "I showed up in the second chapter, and I thought 'Yay! I'm being recognized!' Then I was mentioned in the next chapters sometimes and I thought 'Wow, maybe I can be a subplot if this story actually has a plot!' But now, it's the NINTH CHAPTER and I haven't had an apperance since the second! It's almost like I'm Gilbird, except you don't even go to the trouble of explaining my non-appearance! And don't even get me STARTED on your issue with my name in your other fic!" The author cut him off before he could rant about her oneshot that, although this story has multiple chapters and as of recently slightly more reviews and hits, still has fifty more favorites than this one. Seriously, what the hell?

"Well, you see, I placed you in the second because I felt like I wanted to give you a role in this story, and I figured Canada the Friendly Ghost-I mean, being a ghost would work well! That part in the third chapter was because I wanted to establish that only America could see you, and the mention with Greece was because I needed dialogue. But really, for the most part I...I honestly, completely, and utterly forgot aboot-um, about you," the author concluded, looking very embarrassed. "So, could you please not, like, beat me to death with a hockey stick or whatever?" Canada looked satisfied with the explanation, but not with the reasoning.

"Ok, I guess," he said, the rage wearing off and putting him back in character. "B-but one last thing?"

"Yeah?" responded the author.

"Um...could I get a mention in your next chapter?" he asked nervously. The author grinned.

"No problem!" she stated, and Canada smiled.

"*cough*.*cough*"

"What?"

"Nothing!"

* * *

The view cuts away to an angry looking Canadian with a hockey stick advancing on an apologetic looking author.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!" he yells.

"I-I know, but I'm running out ideas and I'm lazy and the fourth wall is so breakable and-"

"You better give me another mention, or I'll-"

"I will, I will, don't worry!" Canada slowly lowers his stick.

"You mean it?"

"Definitely!"

"Ok then..."

THE END

"GODDAMMIT EMMA!"

* * *

**A/N Oh fourth wall. You are so, beautifully breakable and have missed you. Time to make up for lost time! With a sledgehammer!**

**Anyway, this is, like, I aforementioned, a bunch of random ideas. They are either inside joke with my friends or actual experiences that I tweaked to fit into the story. And I'm sorry I totally ruined the one romantic part, but I felt like I might barf cheese. Yeah, I'm not good at romance. The song wasn't even chosen by me, it was chosen by my 'mom', China. SHE writes romance and is better at this stuff...The 'lyre' part was from one of my favourite authors ever, Terry Pratchett, who inspires me a lot, just in case you were wondering about that.**

**Anyway, enjoy and review and stuff! And remember, when encountering a fourth wall, don't worry, just smash it to death!**


	9. The Good Old Days

**A/N *straps story to a table* PULL THE LEVER, IGOR! *a very unamused looking Vati pulls a lever and lightning strikes the story* IT'S ALIVE!**

**Hehe, anyway, I'm not dead yet, and I have absolutely NO excuse for not writing. BUT THE ONE OF YOU WHO HAS NEVER PROCRASTINATED THROW THE FIRST STONE! *glares at Vati and mom***

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or typingweb-I MEAN an anonymous typing website. I do own my terrible jokes, though!**

* * *

America came home from school one day, looking rather upset, followed by Greece, who had a neutral look on his face. China, who had a day off from work, frowned upon their arrival.

"What happened, aru?" he asked his sons with concern. America looked up.

"That jerk Turkey threw a sandwich-"

"A turkey sandwich," Greece noted.

"-at us today!" America said, outraged. China sighed, but then smiled.

"What's so...amusing?" Greece demanded.

"Sorry, it's just that you reminded me of your father for a second, aru," China replied.

"Huh? Why do ya say that?" America asked.

"Well, you see, when your father was in school as a kid, he was bullied too, aru," the mother explained to them. America's eyes widened.

"Woahwoahwoah wait," he said, "Dad was a kid at one point?"

"Of course, aru! Everyone is! In fact, I think I'll tell you about our good old days, when we were all in school together, aru..."

~~~~SQUIGGLY LINES TO REPRESENT A FLASHBACK WOOOOOO~~~~

"FOR THE LAST TIME YOU TWO, STOP ATTACKING POLAND!" the teacher yelled. Two boys, maybe thirteen or fourteen, stopped tugging on a small...boy and the taller one on the right lowered his hand, which was holding a pair of scissors.

"But we were just partitioning him a little!" the one on the left, Germany, complained.

"Just let us continue so he can become one with me, da?" the right one, Russia, told the teacher.

"Like, totally unfabulous..." complained Poland, still restrained with both arms by the other two boys. The teacher, a tall man with long blonde hair that was braided on one side, groaned and rubbed his forehead with the tips of his fingers.

"I've already warned you two before about this," Germania muttered. "Russia, give me those scissors. From now on, you get safety scissors." Russia dejectedly traded out his pair for the neon coloured ones, kolling all the way. After the teacher recoiled from the definitely-not-rust on the blades, he placed it in a locked drawer alongside wine, beer, vodka, and a box of pasta. Kids bring some weird stuff to school these days..."Germany, let go of Poland and go sit down. Now." Germany grumbled, but obliged as a grateful Poland sat down across the room.

Germania growled and the rest of the class miraculously shut up at record speed. Ever since the day they came in when Germania was sharpening an antique sword that now hung over his desk, they had learned to listen to whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Unfortunately, not one, but THREE idiots failed to get the message. This was made apparent by a low rumbling that got louder until...

CCCCCCRRRRRRRAAAAASH

In the wall, a hole appeared. In that hole was an SUV. In that SUV, sunlight flooding in around them like some gods of parties, were three boys, obviously in their early teens. In front of those boys in that SUV in that hole in that wall was an extremely unamused Germania holding a very sharp sword. The three visibly paled (actually, the driver couldn't really get any paler) and stopped dancing around. The room was filled with silence except for the tinny-radio-quality music blaring through the speakers.

"France. Prussia. Spain. Out of the car. Now." Germania punctuated each command with a hypothetical dagger while emphasizing each word by tapping the hood of the car with a very literal sword. The trio jumped out and stood at attention. "Take a seat AND," he interrupted them as they were about to grab three close seats, "you must be at different parts of the room." A 'dammit' in each respective language could be heard. Germania smashed the radio as they wandered for a place to sit.

France took a seat in the front between two girls, Hungary and Belarus. HA, he actually thought he had a chance. The frog hadn't even opened his mouth before both sent him a death glare, one raising a frying pan, the other a dagger. He quickly shrunk back into his seat.

Spain skipped over to sit next to Romano. The Italian completely ignored him and continued to chat with China, who was seated next to him on the other side. Spain continuously poked him in the shoulder until Romano finally turned around and screamed "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?" Lego-er, Germania looked up from his desk where he was sorting papers.

"Mr. Vargas, shut up. Ten points from Hufflep-" SORRY. THIS PARAGRAPH HAS BEEN CUT OFF DUE TO THE AUTHOR'S HORRIBLE REFERENCE JOKES.

Prussia looked around the room and groaned. There were no awesome seats left! Now he just had to settle for the last unawesome seat that was open next to that totally unawesome Russian freak. He grumbled and sat. Russia turned and gave him his creepiest and unawesome smile and slowly held up the neon scissors.

"Become one, da?" Never had a pair of safety scissors seemed so terrifying. Prussia scooted away (AWESOMELY, MIND YOU) and leaned back in his chair. He then noticed his brother, Germany, on the other side of Russia giving him the 'stop-being-a-moron' look. He rolled his eyes, and then Germania began to talk.

"Okay class, I'll only teach you this once, so shut up, sit up, and pay attention," he began. "Today, we'll learn about the Berlin Wall..." He was once more interrupted, this time by a slam on the door. Unfortunately, Germania had learned long ago that locks only get broken since people seem to constantly break them down, so the door was just a push-door. Therefore, the intruder fell in and landed on the floor in an awkward pile. Germania felt a headache coming on.

"Rome. What the hell are you doing in my class." It wasn't even a question, it was more like an invitation to correct his wrong of entering the sacred place of learning. Rome quickly got up and grinned brightly at the man who was now rolling his eyes.

"Sorry, I just came so I could drop off lunch for my sons!" he said cheerfully. Germania tried to glare him down before giving up against the stupidly happy look on his face.

"Fine. Afterwards, make yourself useful and get rid of that car," Germania grumbled. Rome ran over to Romano's desk and handed him a Tupperware thing filled with pasta. Then, he hopped in the SUV, turned the keys that were still in the ignition before driving off while shouting, "LOVI! If you need me I'll be in the preschool building with Feli!" Romano, however, had his head on the desk with his crossed arms forming a barrier from the eyes of the other students. He hated his family. His older brother had graduated from school long ago, but still came to pick up his son, France, and Romano after school every day. His dad randomly broke into the classroom because he had an obsession with Mr. Germania or something. Then there was his little brother, Italy, or Veneziano as he called him. Veneziano wasn't that bad, that is, until he learned to talk.

"As I was saying," Germania continued, "there was once an extremely powerful and stupid country called the Ro-" He was this time cut off by Poland singing in his sleep.

"It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday..." Russia raised his hand while using the other to pull out his scissors, but Germania's sharp glare caused him to lower it again. Germania strode over to Poland's desk and slammed his hand in front of his face. Poland screamed and begged for Germany and Russia to leave him alone. After noticing the teacher's unamused expression and the classroom full of stifled giggles, except of course for Switzerland, who was reading, he blushed.

"Did I, like, fall asleep again?"

"Yes, yes you did."

"It's, like, not Friday, is it?"

"No, it's Wednesday."

"Oh...that totally bites, broski."

"I understand, I wanted the week to be over Monday morning. But until then, keep your eyes open and head up! If I see you or anyone sleeping EVER again..." Germania trailed off as all eyes went to the sword. Then the whole class gulped. Germania stalked back to the front of the class and didn't even begin to talk when the bell went off signaling lunch. The classroom was empty in ten seconds flat, with the exception of Switzerland, who calmly put away all his things before walking out. In the hall, somebody ran into him so he punched the offender in the face before pulling out a concealed BB gun.

Meanwhile at lunch...

* * *

"What are you talking about?" Romano asked as he walked into the room where China was recounting what happened in their childhood to the sons. He had been at the city all day, apparently to meet with some friends, but the way he wore a suit with sunglasses and a fedora seemed a little suspicious.

"Oh, I was just telling them about when we were kids, aru!" China responded.

"Oh. Joy," Romano grumbled. "Which day are you telling them about?"

"The one when those three crashed through the wall the fourth time, aru."

"Ah. Which part of the day are you at?"

"I was about to get to lunch, aru."

"Dammit. In that case, I'm going to go somewhere else-"

"Why wouldja do that, dad?"

"Shut up Ameri-"

"To cry in shame, aru."

"FINE. I'll stay here."

"I knew you would, aru!" China said brightly. "Now, let's continue, aru...

* * *

Meanwhile at lunch...

France was whimpering and staring at his lunchbox in fear. Prussia and Spain walked over and sat down with their own respective lunches.

"Huh? What's with that totally unawesome look on your face?" Prussia asked.

"My...my dad...he made my lunch today," France whispered, as if they concept was too terrible to be spoken out loud. And he was right, it was. The other two gasped.

"That's terrible! Is there any hope of saving your lunchbox? Or yourself?" Spain shouted in fear.

"Non...I think I'll just take it home and burn it," France decided. "I'll just buy lunch."

"Unawesome idea. You'll have to get one of those hockey-puck frozen PB&J's, and the side is...applesauce," Prussia said. They were all quiet. There was no possibility of eating those sandwiches, and rumour had it that when England was at the school, the applesauce caused him to get sick.

"You're right. That won't end well," France said. "Wait! I have an idea!" Before the other two members of the trio could ask, he got up and went over to where his uncle Romano was sitting, along with China, Germany, and Switzerland. Currently at that table, they were having a bit of a dilemma.

"Why the hell did you buy lunch, you stupid potato bastard?" Romano was yelling. "First you decide to sit here, and then you endanger us all with THAT?"

"I forgot to bring my lunch, okay? And I'd rather sit here than with my brother or Russia," Germany replied. They currently were cautiously watching the lump of food that had questionable origins.

"Well, you better get rid of it soon, aru. Who knows-OH GOD IT BLINKED AT ME ARU!" China shouted. Switzerland pulled out his BB gun a was about to fire at it when France arrived at the table.

"Bonjour all! Say, Uncle, I was wondering if I could have something to eat?" Everyone looked at him, momentarily distracted. Switzerland then noticed that his hand was now empty and looked down to see that the glob seemed to have grown. Germany noticed and jumped back from his tray. He and Switzerland went to the other end of the table, while the latter was glaring at it and planning on how to best destroy it. Romano, on the other hand, was glaring at his nephew.

"Why the hell would I feed you? You aren't my problem, you're my idiot brother's!" he responded angrily. This is PASTA we're talking about, it's serious fucking business.

"That's exactly the problem. He gave me food. That he made!" France cried. Romano groaned. Had the idiot really tried that? You see, even though he came from a family of great cooks, the gene seemed to have skipped one of them. In fact, it was more like the gene had an evil twin.

"I don't care, now go bother one of your dumbass friends for food because I-" He was interrupted by China leaping up from the seat next to him and kicking the air right behind his head. Except the air wasn't empty, it was occupied by a vodka bottle that was now on the floor in many little pieces. Romano leapt up as well, taking care to avoid the glass.

"[censored :D]" he screamed. "This happens every single day! Who the hell..." His rant tapered off when he noticed a crazy, and now slightly drunk, Russian smirking at him. Suddenly, Romano disappeared along with his lunch.

China began to clean up the glass while France walked back to his table dejectedly and Spain happily volunteered to go find Romano. Prussia finally gave an extremely delighted France half of his sandwich, and the lunch period continued.

Meanwhile, Spain went over to where he knew Romano would be, his happy locker. Sure enough, he opened the largeish locker to find the teen huddled up and quickly eating his pasta, still trembling. Spain grinned.

"Hey, Lovi! I knew I'd find you here!" Romano just glared at him.

"Get the fuck out."

"Aw, but Lovi~"

A tomato connected with Spain's cheek, splatting all over the half of his face.

"I said, get the fuck out!"

Spain ended up dragging Romano back to the cafeteria while being cursed out and hit with tomatoes that he seemed to pull out of nowhere. As soon as they reached the double doors, though, a stampede of student ran out. Poland stopped and grabbed the front of Spain's shirt.

"Like, run for your lives! The cafeteria is, like, totally quarentined and we have to go back to class!" s/he shouted desperately. Romano stood up and yanked Spain's hand off of him.

"What the hell are you talking about? What happened?" he questioned. Poland's face twisted in horror and his mouth moved without sound. "Answer me, sparkly pony bastard!"

"Th...the applesauce and France's lunch, like, mated or something, and now there's, like, a huge monster!" Poland finally screamed before running off. The two were silent for a moment. Then came the roar from behind the now-locked doors. They ran for it.

Next class was computer, mainly since it was in a separate building, unlike Germania's class. Currently, Romano was seated next to a quite bored looking Prussia. They were forced to go onto some dumb typing website where they got to explore the incredible magics and wonders of learning how to use a keyboard. A life changing experience for sure. Most of the class, including Romano and Prussia, were tired of the exercises such as typing "ssss kkkk sksk ksks" and were now retyping stories. Romano was doing 10,000 Leagues Under the Sea and Prussia had decided to do one that seemed somewhat interesting, A Child's Tale.

Romano looked over from typing about ten minutes into class and noticed Prussia's "what the hell is this shit" expression. He raised an eyebrow and Prussia, still typing, began to explain.

"This...this unawesome story is just...the dude decides to go on some great, awesome adventure, meets some kid, and they begin to play unawesome games together. Then they go on for fucking _pages _about the goddamn unawesome scenery! And don't get me STARTED on the squirrels, it's just.." he ranted and then began slamming on the keyboard. "THIS. IS. SO. GAY. THIS. IS. SO. GAY. THIS. IS. SO. GAY!" Prussia surely would've continued if the teacher didn't start to make his way over. Since the normal computer teacher was suffering from a serious case of running-out-of-usable-characters, Germania decide to fill in.

"What is this rumpus?" Germania asked. Prussia quickly stopped slamming the keyboard put on his best grin.

"Well, you see, the awesome me decided to demonstrate to this poor undereducated Romano how to NOT use a computer."

"And why would you do that?"

"Because I'm awesome."

"...just don't do it again." And with that, the teacher walked away, muttering about it not being worth it, and Prussia sighed with relief. Romano just rolled his eyes and returned to his work. A little while later he looked back over to Prussia to see the boy typing repeatedly something that seemed along the lines of "this is so gay what the fuck is this i don't even it's so unawesome i'm losing awesomeness while typing it i want to die oh my god".

Later, the day was finally over. England came over to pick up France and Romano, as Korea came to pick up China. Both asked how school was and both recieved different answers.

China's observant reply was, "It was...interesting, aru. I learned that cars are stronger than walls, Russia is always a creep, and that kitchens need restraining orders, aru. What about you, aru?"

France's optimistic reply was, "It was so much fun! I got to come to school in a fashionably late and extremely fabulous manner. I kind of starved at lunch, but in the end it was alright because we just had computer for the rest of the day! I got to be seated in the back of the classroom, oh hon hon..."

Romano's, of course, pessimistic reply was, "I had to sit next to that fucking tomato bastard and I got nearly killed at lunch! To make matters worse, that goddamn mutation you made for France decided to take over the fucking school and I had to spend the rest of the day having my brain cells slowly drained out through my eyeballs! Che palle! I'm never going to school again!"

Of course, Korea just ignored what China said and began rambling on about things at the copyrighting place he worked at. And, of course, England was too drunk to care, which caused for a quick change of drivers. And, of course, Romano still had to go to school, no matter how much he protested it.

* * *

"Wow, school sounds like so much fun when you went there!" America yelled. Greece tilted his head at the strange observation.

"I don't know about that...it seemed interesting...to say the least," Greece noted. China laughed and Romano scoffed from where he was sitting.

"I suppose it was, aru. You're father might say differently, though, aru," China replied with a smile.

"What the hell do you mean? That school was fucking _insane_! I don't know how they didn't shut down!" Romano exploded.

"Actually, they're still open, even if that lunch incident nearly closed them down, aru. It's the school they go to, aru." Romano blinked.

"The...the hell? Seriously?"

"Yup, aru."

"They're still mentally sound?"

"I hope so, aru. You didn't know this? Your brother is there too, although a few years above them, aru."

"Wait, Mr. Germania was your teacher too?" America interrupted.

"HOLY-that psycho still teaches there?" Romano screamed.

"Yes...he does," Greece told him. "Oh, and we have a paper...from school for you."

"Oh yeah, I forgot!" America said and ran off to get his backpack. He came back waving a paper and handed it to China. "Here ya go, mom!" China took it and immediately slapped a hand over his mouth, stifling laughter.

"Huh? What is it?" Romano asked. China, looked up at him with a look of sheer amusement.

"You won't like this at all, aru," he said, still laughing a little as he handed his husband the paper. Romano read the first line and was about ready to go die.

**PARENT-TEACHER CONFERENCES**

* * *

**A/N Yaaaaay this is 1000 words longer than I thought it would be! As a side note, I'm tempted to make my AWESOME 10th chapter trivia-show themed. What do you all think?**

**Happy Mother's Day, China!**


	10. Trapped On A Trivia Show

**Happy Father's Day, Vati! You get a chapter update! Sorry I could only finish one, but I'll probably have another out later today...by later today, I mean it's 12:30 am where I am. So, enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hetalia, but I own this pairing, family, game show, and HFU.**

* * *

This chapter begins like most others have. America was bothering his father. This time, however, it was due to the fact that the small child had recently spent some time with Prussia. Now, he was insistently calling Romano "Vati".

"Godammit!" Romano finally yelled. "Stop it! Neither of us are even German! And thank God for that..."

"But...but...Prussia said that I should call you that..." America said dejectedly. Romano didn't even hesitate at the puppy-dog face America was giving and just glared.

"I don't care, and if you keep saying that, I'm going to-" The threat was cut off by a knock on the door. Romano stalked over to the door to see that China had already opened it to a strange man with spiky blonde hair and a small black hat. The man was currently flashing a huge grin and speaking.

"...adulations, you've won!" Before China could confusedly ask WHAT they had won, Romano stomped over and slammed the door in the other's face.

"Damn travelling salesmen..." Romano grumbled. China just sighed and began to walk back to the living room. America stayed near his dad.

"You're a very violent Vati," he said, most likely for the alliteration. Before Romano could unleash his wrath, however, there was another knock at the door. He stomped over and opened it again to the same man, who now stepped inside as soon as the door opened to prevent being shut out again.

"Now, let me try again!" he said cheerfully. "My name is Denmark, and I'm a host of a game show where all you actually do is answer questions on any random subject! And your family has just won a spot on the first episode!" Romano just stared.

"Wait...first episode? You mean this doesn't exist yet?" Then, after a moment of thought, he added, "And how the HELL do you know where I live?"

"I may or may not stalk Norway."

"Get. Away. From. My. House."

"Come on Vati, it could be fun!"

"See? You should listen to that kid!"

"Shut up both of you! Especially you, America!"

"But Vaaaaaatiiiiii-"

"NO. And YOU get off my doorstep."

And with that, Romano slammed the door shut as America again muttered something about a "very violent Vati".

Outside, however, you could see Denmark sighing and turning to face his assistant, a bespectacled and...sparkling man.

"Alright, Estonia, it looks like we'll have to do it the hard way."

"Yes sir!" Estonia replied and the two ran back down to their van.

* * *

Meanwhile, Romano headed back to the living room with America trailing after him. China was about to say something, but then noticed a low rumbling noise.

"Wh-What is that, aru?" China asks. Romano prays that it's just a thunderstorm that most certainly will NOT come their way. Too bad for him...

Through the wall burst a van. As Romano and China had school flashbacks, the passenger's door swung open and out jumped Denmark. He turned and looked at the wall with feigned amazement.

"Oh, wow, look at that, what could have possibly happened here?" he asked awestruck. "That looks really expensive to fix, if only you had a chance to go on a trivia show to get money to fix it up." Greece looked confused, America looked excited, and Romano and China seemed ready to kill Denmark. Denmark obliviously slung his arms around the parent's shoulders and grinned. "So, how does it sound now?"

"Fine, fine, we'll go on your fucking show!" yelled Romano as he stomped out of the room before he broke something or someone.

"That's great! I look forward to seeing you tomorrow!" Denmark happily shouted after him as he handed China an address on a piece of paper. China glared as Denmark jumped into the van and sped off. He was not looking forward to tomorrow.

* * *

**~THE VERY NEXT DAY~**

The family was driving to the address on the paper as China read some information on the back of it.

"It says it's funded by...HFU? What does that stand for, aru?" wondered China out loud.

"Does it matter? All that matters is that we've gotten ourselves stuck on some goddamn trivia show," grumbled Romano, who was driving. "What else does it say on it?"

"Hm...not that much, really, aru. All it says is the name, the host and co-host, and who provides the funding, aru," reported China. Just then, they arrived at a small looking studio with the same truck from yesterday parked outside. Romano reluctantly got out, follwed by America practically flying out of the car, as well as China trying to wake up Greece.

As they walked in, they saw a logo reading "HFU" again.

_'I guess we'll find out at one point or another, aru,'_ China thought to himself. They saw a sign that pointed to one hallway as the way to the game show. Romano began to walk the other way, but was stopped as Denmark jumped out of nowhere.

"Hey there, I think you're going the wrong way!" he pointed out while grinning.

"That was the point," Romano replied irately. Denmark seemed to ignore him as he looped his arms around China and Romano and headed off down the correct hall.

"It's alright you poor confused people, I'll help you out!" the host said cheerily. America grabbed Greece's arm to wake him up (only Greece would fall asleep on his feet) and followed them.

They entered a large room with a garishly colored stage with four podium things, an even more garishly colored host stand, and an area for the audience. What seemed strange was the fact that instead of buzzers on the player's stands, there were little bracelets with wires leading into to podium.

"Ok everyone, how about you go up on the stage and slip on those bracelets! The show's gonna start soon!" Denmark directed. The family went and did so, albeit Romano begrudgingly.

"Estonia should be coming anytime now with the questions, so don't worry! Until then, do you guys have any questions?"

"What're these bracelet thingies for?" asked America.

"Lie detectors! If you tell the truth, you gain points, and if you lie, they shock you! Also, if your answer isn't what we're looking for, we can manually shock you! Anything else?" Denmark answered, America looking a little worried.

"What the fuck is this game even about?" Romano snapped.

"Well, people have sent in questions that they want you to answer, so that's what you'll do! That's what the bracelets are for! The more points you get the more you'll get paid!" Denmark responded.

"What's HFU, aru?" China questioned. Denmark's face fell a little.

"A-Ah...you see, that stands for Hetalia Fangirls United."

"What?" yelled Romano and China while America wondered what that meant. "You sold us out to fangirls (aru)?"

"I'm sorry, but I had to!" Denmark wailed. "They...they stole my axe!" The doors began to open and the host regained his composure. In walked Estonia, who went up and handed Denmark a small stack of papers.

"You better hurry, they're going to come in soon," warned the nerdy man before going off backstage. True enough, teenage girls began to come into the room. Denmark hurried behind his podium and grinned while Romano contemplated chewing his arm off after finding that the bracelets—more like handcuffs—were stuck.

"Hello and welcome everyone!" Denmark greeted the audience. "Today we'll be asking questions to the...um..." he turned around. "Are you guys the Vargas family or the Wang family?" China and Romano looked at each other confused.

"Er...Vargas I guess," Romano said. Denmark turned back to the audience.

"Today we'll be asking questions to the Vargas family!" The crowd cheered, except for one angry looking person waving a sign that read "SPAMANO". '_What the fuck does that mean?' _wondered Romano.

"First question! It asks; How did this happen?" Denmark read.

"How did what happen, aru?" China asked back.

"I don't know...I guess how this family came into exsistence, like how you two began dating and stuff," the host replied.

"Oh in that case, I can explain, aru! Romano and I went to school together for a while and we were friends because I was apparently 'the only sane one that wasn't a potato bastard', aru. Then, at one point in high school, I was crossing the street when a car nearly hit me, but Romano came and pushed me out of the way, aru. He broke his leg, but it was so brave and not like him, aru!" China said, beaming. Romano was blushing like mad, but picked up with the story.

"I may or may not have had a crush on him for a while, so I took that chance to...to ask him out. Shut the hell up!" he snapped at the giggling and 'daw'ing fangirls. "He said yes, so...yeah. That was that."

"After we were together for a few years, he took me to a fancy restaurant and proposed to me, aru. He was all flustered and blushing and cute, so I couldn't say no, aru! So then we got married, bought a house, and adopted America-"

"-worst mistake I ever made-," added Romano.

"-and later Greece, aru. That's it, aru," finished China.

"Thank you for your answers!" Denmark said as the numbers on the front of China and Romano's stands went up. "Now, after the audience stops cooing, we'll continue!" Romano took this time to try and stop blushing. China was laughing over how easily flustered he gets.

"Ok, now the next question is; What are your thoughts on 2012? Each of you give an answer, starting with Greece!" Greece woke up at the sound of his name.

"Huh? Oh...I'm not sure...I guess I'll see when it comes," Greece said thoughtfully.

"I think that if it happens there's gonna be fire and explosions and aliens and volcanoes and tornadoes and meteors and giant slinkies and bombs and floods and then Superman will ally with Batman and together they're gonna save the whole world!" America exclaimed. "But if it doesn't happen I'm gonna be getting excited because Christmas would be coming soon!" He stopped with a big grin on his face. Romano rolled is eyes.

"It's total bullshit," he said bluntly.

"I agree with Romano, it probably won't happen, aru. Plus, America's right, we'll be so busy with Christmas it won't matter, aru!" China answered. Points went up on all four stands.

"Alright then! Next question...DAMMIT!" yelled Denmark, looking irritated.

"I don't think...that's a question," noted Greece.

"That's not the question. I said that because the question is..." Denmark winced. "THE GAME." A chorus of 'I just lost the game!' and various curses rang throughout the room. "Let's just continue. That wasn't even a question...the REAL next question is addressed to only China and Romano...weird..."

"What's the question, aru?" China asked.

"It says 'What's in the closet? Tell me please please please! I don't want to wait another month!' That's strange. Do you two understand it?" he asked.

"Yes, we do," said Romano. "And the answer is suck it up. There's no way in hell we're telling you because we're mean."

"You just have to wait, aru!" China added, cackling. Then they both jolted in pain.

"OW WHAT THE FUCK?" screamed Romano.

"You didn't give the right answer!" Denmark said, more cheerful now that somone finally got shocked.

"You're a bastard, aru..."

"Next one! What?" Denmark asked.

"...what's the question?" Romano responded after a few seconds.

"What?"

"I SAID TELL ME THE QUESTION, DAMMIT."

"THE QUESTION IS 'WHAT?'"

"Oh."

"Anyways, we'll go in the same order as last time! Go, Greece!" Denmark continued.

"Zzzz..."

"Er...I can't say that's wrong...so, next is America!" the host announced.

"What what? What isn't a very good question. Unless you want me to say the last thing I said. But I don't think you want me to do that. Haha, earlier I said 'what' twice in a row! Isn't that kinda funny? I think it is. I could tell you what I ate for breakfast yesterday if you want! Wait, I don't remember that. I guess I can't answer your question then, sorry!" America rambled. Denmark leaned over to Romano.

"Does that kid ever breath?" he whispered.

"Not from what I've seen," he replied.

"Speaking of which, what's your answer?" Denmark said in a normal voice.

"This is a fucking stupid question."

"And now for China!"

"My answer is no, aru."

"Ok then!" Denmark said as the points once again raised. "Now, what are your thoughts on global warming?" America poked Greece's face until he woke up.

"I think...that it's bad," he stated simply.

"I think that it would be TOTALLY AWESOME if we could genetically engineer a giant superhero to protect the earth so global warming doesn't enslave humanity! And nobody can disagree with me!" Everyone watched in awe as the saw America's points go up to prove that was what he was truly thinking. He's really just that dumb...? Romano answered next.

"I think that this show is fucking stupid." BZZT. "You aren't changing my opinion at all." BZZT. "GODAMMIT I HATE ALL OF YOU." BZZT.

"I think that it means a certain country that produces many things will get very rich if they find out how to create cars run on solar power alone, aru."

"Alright then! Time for the next one!" Denmark looked at the next card and furrowed his brows. Then he took a very deep breath. "If it's approximately 79 degrees outside on a Wednesday in late spring with the wind blowing northeast at 4 miles per hour, and Susan is walking down the sidewalk on the way home from her last day of school when she runs into Tommy who is wearing a very ugly sweater and humming "It's A Small World After All", and she pushes him into a bush which happens to be in front of Joe's house, who is Tommy's friend;" he breathed again," where will trains A and B meet?" Everyone simutaneously blinked.

"Um...what, aru?" China asked. Denmark groaned.

"I refuse to repeat myself," he said. "Greece goes first again!"

"This is madness," muttered Romano.

"Madness?" All eyes turned to Greece, who suddenly looked wide awake.

"THIS."

"IS."

"SPARTA!"

And with that, he fell back asleep.

"Er...I think we can accept that..." Denmark nervously said to break the silence. "Uh...next?" America looked thoughtful.

"Legoland."

"Legoland?"

"Legoland."

"Alrighty then. Romano?" the host decided to continue.

"In the magical land of I Don't Give A Shit."

"China?"

"The new Hello Kitty amusement park, aru."

"Uh...you know," Denmark stated, "this game is getting stranger and stranger." Then he looked down at the next card. "Speaking of which, what do you think of England in a miniskirt?" Someone in the audience yelled 'England looks dead sexy in a miniskirt!' while the family looked both confused and mentally scarred.

"That would be...very strange..." Greece concluded after snapping out of the horrible mental images.

"Why would Uncle England be wearing a miniskirt? Is he drunk again? Cuz I dunno, he wears a toga when he's drunk, so he might. But that would be really weird. He could be like Poland though!" America answered.

"I would finally get around to filing a restraining order."

"I would never let him near the kids ever again, aru."

After China's answer Denmark turned to face the audience. "Unfortunately, our time here is coming to a close. But before then, I have one last question." A curtain over towards the side of the stage opened up to reveal an extremely unamused Estonia wearing a sparkly dress in front of a door with what appeared to be old Christmas lights bordering it. "What's behind door number one?"

"A cat."

"A transformer!"

"The goddamn money you owe us."

"A new wall, aru."

"IIIIIt's..." Denmark said, trying (and failing) at building up suspense, "A brand new car!" Estonia opened the door, and then ran off to hide behind the curtain, and behind the door was, in fact, a shiny Italian sports car. Romano immediately forgot everything that happened and began drooling. "Luckily for you, your points add up to just the right amount for it! Have fun and thank you for coming!" A little outro tune played as the audience applauded and left. Romano dashed over to the car.

"I...It's so beautiful," he whispered. China rolled his eyes.

"We probably have to sell it to get a new wall, aru," he told his husband. Romano's head whipped around and his eyes seemed to have turned red.

"NO. Sell the old car, sell our house, sell America, but don't sell this. I won't let you!" he shouted, looking deranged. China put up his hands and backed away.

"Alright, alright, calm down, aru. But you know that if you sell the old car, America will have to ride in this one, right, aru?

"Didn't I just say that we should sell him too?"

"We aren't selling our children, aru. It might be illegal, aru."

"Fiiiiine. We can find out a way, please just let me keep it!"

"...alright, you seem so desperate, aru."

"YES!" Romano looked...actually happy for once. China couldn't help but feel good too at this rare occurrence.

"In that case, you take this car home and I'll take the kids in the other car, aru?" Before he could blink, Romano was in the car and driving away a full speed. China prayed that he wouldn't break the car...or any pedestrians.

* * *

**This was fun. Especially Romano's answers. And for all of you who don't get the England in a miniskirt part, at one convention, a fan got Eric Vale, the voice actor of America, to say "England looks dead sexy in a miniskirt". He satisfied the fangirls, needless to say.**

**So enjoy this and hopefully I'll have another out when, y'know, it's actually a decent time. Which probably means 10 pm.**


	11. A Very Screwed Up Dysfunctional Family

**And here is the OFFICIAL Father's Day chapter. It's short, though...but good news! I now have a (working) speel chekc on my word proceddor!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Hetalia, nor Pokemon, but I DO own my abnormal addiction to apple juice.**

* * *

"What the fuck is this?"

Romano was staring at a strange looked egg with a ribbon on it that was apparently his "Vati's" Day gift from America. It looked too big to be any normal, edible egg, and it better not be a fucking dinosaur egg, Romano would kill the boy. America was grinning.

"What do you think it is? It's a Pokemon egg of course!" he told his dad, sounding very accomplished. Romano, who had been drinking water, spit it out.

"WHAT?"

"A Pokemon egg! A Whimsicott if you wanna be specific. Japan gave it to me, and I thought that you need a hobby, and Father's Day is here, so I gave it to you!"

"Ugh..."

"W-Wait...d-do you not like it?" Romano looked up to see America with the most pathetic, heart breaking puppy-dog look ever seen and mentally groaned. That kid used it every so often when he wanted something or wanted to make him feel guilty. Romano hated that look. It was disgusting, ridiculous, absurd...

"I guess it's okay, I'll keep it," the father heard himself saying. Goddammit, he couldn't believe he fell for it this time. America's face lit up.

"YAY! I'm glad you like it, Vati!" he shouted and hugged Romano.

"Yeah, yeah," said Romano as he shoved America off.

* * *

Later that day, China walked into the kitchen where America was sitting, sucking the life out of an apple juice box, surrounded by five more. He didn't seem to have noticed China.

"America? What are you doing, aru?" America froze and noticed that his 'mother' was there.

"Noooothing..."

"Okay then, aru..."

There was an awkward silence until America backed out of the room, shoving all his empty juice boxes in the trash while watching China carefully.

* * *

However, this extremely strange incident was nothing compared to what happened when China came home from work the next day.

"I'm home, ar-" he was cut off as he tripped over something in the hallway. "Ouch! What was that, aru?" China turned to see an large, soft, white egg. On closer inspection it seemed to have a strange green thing on the front. On even closer inspection, they were scattered. All over the front room.

"ROMANO, ARU. WHAT IS GOING ON, ARU." It wasn't a question, it was a demand. After he got no response, the angry wife went stomped into the front room where he found Romano sitting amongst the eggs. He seemed to be sleeping. China decided to leave him for now and go see if the kids knew what was going on.

He passed by America sneaking out of the kitchen while trying to hide a jug of apple juice. China raised an eyebrow suspiciously and America got the look of a cornered criminal.

"Do I even want to know, aru?" China asked. America shook his head vigorously. "Then what's with all the eggs, aru? And where's Greece, aru?"

"I got Vati an egg for Father's Day and he got addicted to raising them and got a lot more. And Greece is at Japan's house. Apparently he's having a sleepover there with another one of Japan's friends," America told him, eager to get out. China became concerned over the mental stability of his husband, but nonetheless motioned that America was allowed to leave. Said child immediately scampered off up the stairs and down the hall to his room with the apple juice.

China decided to again go into the front room and check on Romano. He was still asleep. Oh wait, never mind, China kicked him awake.

"Wha...?"

"Romano, aru. What is with all the eggs, aru."

"Er...it's America's fault," Romano replied. "All his damn fault. You should sell him on eBay." China growled.

"I already told you, that's probably illegal, aru! Besides, the only thing we'll sell are these eggs, aru!" China paused. "How many are there anyway, aru?" Romano muttered something under his breath. "What did you say, aru? I couldn't hear that," China asked again.

"Maybe...forty."

"..."

"Ch-China?"

"You're lucky I love you, aru. I love you enough to help you raise forty—"

"Oh wait, actually it's sixty." China winced.

"...I love you enough to help you raise...sixty eggs."

"Y-Yeah...I guess I'm kinda sorry about that...but probably not..." They fell into silence until China decided to change the subject.

"Have you noticed anything...weird about America lately, aru?" China asked. Romano opened his mouth to speak, but China immediately cut him off by saying, "More weird than usual I mean, aru." Romano stopped to think.

"I don't know...I think that he's been leaving me alone more, thank God," Romano answered. "But really, he's always such a damn weirdo, it's hard to find any difference."

"Well...he seems to be having an addiction drinking-" Romano snapped to attention.

"What the hell?"

"You didn't let me finish, aru! An addiction to drinking apple juice, aru!" China finished.

"Oh, right."

"I think you should talk to him about it, aru."

"Ugh...do I have to?"

"Yes, aru. Unless you want to have a nice big omelet for breakfast tomorrow, aru." Romano's eyes widened and he dashed up the stairs.

* * *

He entered America's room, without knocking of course, and saw him downing a jug of apple juice. Romano just stared for a while in amazement and disgust before snapping out of it.

"America, what the hell is wrong with you?" America jumped in surprise before glaring at Romano, while trying to hide the empty container under his bed.

"Wouldn't you like to know!" he snapped back, causing Romano to be slightly shocked. America doesn't usually act this way. However, the shock quickly transferred into anger.

"Don't you even fucking _dare _talk to your father like that, you damn brat!"

"It's how you talk to me!"

"There's a difference! I'm in charge of you!"

Romano then had to duck to avoid the apple juice container that was thrown at him.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" he yelled.

"Nobody understands me!" America sobbed. "Get out of my room!"

"I'll get out of your room when I damn well feel like it!" Romano responded. Then he was forced out of the room by five more empty jugs and multiple empty juice boxes being thrown at him.

Romano stomped back downstairs in a far fouler mood. China looked up from making dinner (the parents take turns cooking).

"How did it go, aru?" China asked, but then frowned. "Is that a plastic straw in your hair, aru?"

"Probably," Romano growled back. "The kid is going through some goddamn puberty or pmsing or something."

"Ah...so it didn't go very well at all I take it, aru?" China asked again.

"No. Why don't you go talk to him, you actually like him!" Romano yelled. "I'm going to go to make sure my eggs are alright!" As Romano went to the front room, China contemplated on the absurdity of the last sentence, especially coming from his husband. Then he was about to go up to talk to America when he noticed the aforementioned boy sneaking a whole pack of apple juice boxes upstairs. China narrowed his eyes.

"America, we need to talk, aru." America stopped, but his eyes darted between China and the stairs.

"What about?"

"Your apple juice addiction, aru. I think you're going a little too far, aru."

"Not true!" America shouted. "I can stop whenever I want to!"

"I don't think you can, aru. That's why I'm cutting you off, aru."

"Wh—NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!"

"I JUST DID, ARU."

"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU AND DAD AND MAYBE THAT GHOST IN THE ATTIC BUT PROBABLY NOT GREECE!"

"WELL I DON'T CARE, ARU."

In the next room, Romano's mood started lifting because of America being yelled at. Then he continued to quietly sing lullabies to his eggs.

* * *

The next day, Greece came home from his sleepover to see America sulking around the house, kicking random objects. However, his attention was soon caught by a small sheeplike thing running across the hall, chased by frantically shouting parents.

"Noemi, get back here, dammit!" shouted Romano desperately.

"Romano, why did you have to get so many, aru?" China yelled.

Greece decided that he'd just go back to Japan's house until things made a little more sense, even though Turkey, who had apparently been the other friend Japan had invited, was probably still there.

* * *

Finally, the adults returned to the front room panting and victoriously carrying the runaway Whimsicott. After China threw it into the old playpen, which they used to keep America in, with all the others, he turned to Romano.

"We aren't keeping all of these, you know, aru," China said. "We can sell them to pay for the new wall and keep one, aru."

"But...but I love them all!" Romano cried. "I can't choose one! Besides, I've already given each of them a name!"

"You did not, aru."

"Yes, I did!" Romano began pointing to each one while listing the names. "Francesco, Giulia, Alessandro, Sofia, Andrea, Martina, Matteo, Sara, Lorenzo, Chiara, Gabriele, Giorgia, Mattia, Aurora, Riccardo, Alessia, Davide, Francesca, Luca, Alice, Marco, Anna, Simone, Elisa, Leonardo, Giada, Giuseppe, Emma, Federico, Matilde, Tommaso, Gaia, Luigi, Elena, Giovanni, Beatrice, Christian, Noemi, Alessio, Rebecca, Filippo, Federica, Cristian, Arianna, Samuele, Asia, Daniele, Greta, Pietro, Ilaria, Emanuele, Vittoria, Michele, Ludovica, Edoardo, Valentina, Nicolo, Marta, Giacomo, and Nicole!"

China stared at Romano incredulously.

"What, aru...?"

"Francesco, Guilia, Alessandro, Sof-"

"NO, ARU. You don't have to repeat yourself, aru. It's just...wow, aru." China sighed. "You still only get to keep one, aru." Romano hung his head dejectedly.

"Fine..." Then he looked over all of the Whimsicott and frowned in thought. That is, until he noticed something and then gasped. "F-Federica!"

"What, aru?"

"Federica is a shiny!"

"Shiny is an adjective, not a noun, aru. You can't say 'a shiny'."

"No, I mean a shiny Pokemon. They're very rare. And Federica is one!"

"That's great, aru? Whatever, aru. So you're keeping her, aru?" China asked. Romano picked Federica up and hugged her.

"Yes. And I will love and care for her like the child I never had."

"You have Greece and America, aru."

"Oh, right, I forgot about Greece..."

And so there was a tearful goodbye between Romano and Francesco, Giulia, Alessandro, Sofia, Andrea, Martina, Matteo, Sara, Lorenzo, Chiara, Gabriele, Giorgia, Mattia, Aurora, Riccardo, Alessia, Davide, Francesca, Luca, Alice, Marco, Anna, Simone, Elisa, Leonardo, Giada, Giuseppe, Emma, Federico, Matilde, Tommaso, Gaia, Luigi, Elena, Giovanni, Beatrice, Christian, Noemi, Alessio, Rebecca, Filippo, Cristian, Arianna, Samuele, Asia, Daniele, Greta, Pietro, Ilaria, Emanuele, Vittoria, Michele, Ludovica, Edoardo, Valentina, Nicolo, Marta, Giacomo, and Nicole. He and Federica waved goodbye as the fifty nine others were sent off to an adoption center for Pokemon somewhere far away.

Romano wiped his eyes and went inside to yell at America to relieve his sadness. Unfortunately, America wasn't in a good mood either and started chucking Hot Wheels and Transformers at Romano. And damn, those things HURT.

* * *

**...I know from experience. Anyway, those names are the top 60 Italian names with the exception of Luigi. The actual name was Antonio, so I had to replace it for obvious reasons. Curse you real world for ruining my China/Romano OTP! *shakes fist* Actually, I think I should make a cool sounding pairing name...  
So, again, Happy Father's Day Vati! **


	12. Mr Mom

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. Instead, I own a laptop, word processor, and internet connection, which I put to good use. I also use it to write this story.**

He ducked inside the nearest doorway as quickly as he could and held his breath. The escape was well timed, for as soon as he entered, sharp footsteps rang down the empty hall.

"Where are you?" a creepy voice called out. "Come out now...you can't hide forever..." He choked back a whimper as his pursuer paused in front of the door he was behind. Seconds seemed to stretch into hours before the footsteps slowly continued on their way. He started to breathe again and, as he gasped for air, came to a conclusion; he had to get out. So, being careful not to step on creaky floorboards, Russia got the hell out of his house and away from his sister.

* * *

Meanwhile, on a totally unrelated note, China was busy cleaning the house. It was rather annoying how he was stuck with the task, but Romano was 'busy' playing with Federica, America had mysteriously disappeared as soon as the word "cleaning" was brought up, and the last time Greece tried, he had fallen asleep while the vacuum was running, a feat that China had previously believed to be impossible.

As he was passing by the happy closet, he thought he heard a strange noise. A noise that sounded like something small and fluffy jumping around. China turned off the vacuum to listen better and, sure enough, there was that sound. Pushing the vacuum to the side, he grabbed a broom, carefully walking up to the door. If it was a rat or something, it was getting no mercy. However, as soon as the door opened, a small cotton ball barreled out towards the man, nearly toppling him. With quick reflexes, China grabbed onto it and found out that it was a Whimsicott. Relieved, he was about to go back to his cleaning until his brain quickly came to a few conclusions.

One, why would Federica be in the closet?

Two, Romano was in the living room right now, playing with said fluffball.

Three, this wasn't, as Romano called it, a 'shiny'. This was the color of all of the others.

Four, this is not Federica.

China stared at the creature in bafflement. If this wasn't Federica, than what is—wait.

* * *

Romano was in the living room, playing fetch with his pet. Technically, it was more like he tossed a cat toy and hoped Federica didn't eat it. But, whatever, she's still better than America. Suddenly, he was interrupted from his short period of bliss.

"ROMANO, ARU!" China yelled from a different part of the house. Romano froze.

"Yeah?" he shouted back.

"WHY IS THERE ANOTHER FLUFFY THING IN THE CLOSET, ARU?" Oh shit.

"Ahaha...wh-what are you talking about?" Romano replied, trying to sound natural. After he got no response, he was about to continue playing until he heard footsteps stomping across the house. The door to the living room slammed open and China came in carrying the Pokemon under his arm.

"This is what I'm talking about, aru. Why is there another one still here, aru?" China fumed.

"I...I have never seen that before in my life."

"Oh really, aru?"

"Yes really."

"So I can go give it to Prussia as a pet, aru?"

"Wh—NO! YOU CAN'T GIVE LEONARDO TO THAT POTATO BASTARD!"

"Aha, aru!" China said smugly. "You DID keep another one of these, aru!"

"Ok, yeah, you caught me. But I couldn't just get rid of them all!" he complained while snatching Leonardo from his wife. "You should've seen the look on his face, I couldn't just ship him off!" China returned to glaring. Romano sighed frustratedly. "Come on, just look at him!" He shoved Leonardo in China's face as the Whimsicott gave the other the cutest look he could muster, as if he understood the dire situation. China attempted to keep a straight face, but couldn't help breaking into a smile.

"Fine, I guess he is cute, aru..." China said. "But you have to feed him yourself, aru!"

"Right."

"And wash him, aru."

"Of course."

"And make sure he doesn't pee on the carpet, aru."

"Er, about that..." Before Romano could continue, there was a sharp knocking at the door. China's suspicious glare was averted and his husband sighed in relief.

"Who could that be, aru?" China wondered aloud as he went up to answer the door, not noticing Romano run off to try and find some sort of stain remover. When China arrived at the door, he saw that America was already there (sipping on an apple juice box that he had probably stolen from Japan's house again, which China noticed with much displeasure) and opening the door. The child was greeted by the sight of a wall made of a tan coat. Looking up, he could see that there was a tall Russian occupying that tan coat. He whimpered and ran behind his mom.

"Oh, um, hello Russia, aru," China said nervously, deciding to yell at America about the apple juice later.

"Hello China," Russia replied, eyes darting around. "If you don't mind, I will be staying here for a while, da?" Before China could respond that yes, he did mind very much, Russia walked right in. Romano chose that moment to walk into the room as well.

"Goddammit, did America come home or-"

"Oh, hello Romano," said Russia cheerfully, even though he was still looking around with worry. Romano made various strange squeaking sounds before grabbing his pets and hightailing it to his happy closet. America took that chance to run up to Greece's room, where his brother already was, and barricaded the door. China didn't bother going to calm his family down, as he had more important things on his mind. Such as, why was Russia acting so jumpy? Oh god, did he finally kill someone? Were the police after him?

"R-Russia," China began worriedly. "Wh-Why exactly are you here, aru?" Russia turned and looked slightly embarrassed.

"Ah, well, you see, my sister has moved into my house," he said. "She isn't leaving me alone, and I decided that I could stay here until she left." China sighed with relief. At least he wasn't housing a serial killer.

"Is your sister really that bad, aru?" he asked.

"Well...she...she..." Russia looked increasingly more depressed with every word. "She keeps following me around, and insisting I marry her, and breaking my doors."

"Wait, aru. She wants you to marry her, aru? And she's your sister, aru?"

"Exactly my point. So I can stay, da?"

"Er..." Russia was looking at China with the most pitiful look he could make. "I guess that-" A tapping on the window caused China to break off and turn around towards where the window was. Instantly, he jumped backwards. "WHAT THE HELL, ARU?"

Pressed against the window, fogging up the glass with every breath, was a deranged looking girl with a bow upon her head that was now slightly askew. China backed away from the window.

"Brother...I found you...now, come outside so we can get married, married, married..." the girl chanted. Russia attempted to hide himself behind the much smaller China, an attempt that the latter would normally find amusing, but the threat at his window was slightly distracting. As China was contemplated whether or not it would be safe for his family to house Russia, Belarus, pulled out a large kitchen knife.

"Don't worry brother, I'll get rid of this window and the man and anyone else that stands between us." Yup, Russia's not staying. China quickly stepped to the side, alarming Russia.

"I'm sorry, but I can't let you stay here, aru. That maniac is going to kill my family, aru!" China explained.

"You can't send me out there with _her_!" Russia pleaded, gesturing towards the girl that was, at the moment, trying to claw through the glass while chanting about marriage.

"Actually, I think I can, aru," said China, trying not to think about the price of a new window at the moment. "Now, if you would kindly get out of my house, aru?"

"But-" Russia was cut off by the glass shattering and Belarus jumping though the remaining shards, somehow unscathed. He whimpered again and bolted towards the still open door, while his sister jumped back through the window as China wondered why she couldn't have used the available entrance. He shrugged it off and went about cleaning up the glass and luring his family out of their respective hiding spots.

* * *

That night, around midnight to be exact, America woke up. Carefully, he got out of bed and crept down the stairs. Going into the kitchen, he went to one of the cabinets—bottom row, second from the right—and stealthily entered a combination into the lock. It opened with a satisfying _click _and America grinned, wondering if it was really all that smart for China to have the Fourth of July as the code. As he opened the cabinet, he was greeted with a glorious sight; a whole pack of apple juice boxes. Snapping himself out of the trance induced by the sweet drink, he grabbed it all before closing and locking the cabinet again. Mom would never know...

Well, until America turned around and screamed bloody murder at the tall man climbing in the kitchen window.

China was downstairs in a flash. America was lucky that China noticed Russia before his son, so the boy dashed out of the room with his prize as China started to look irritated.

As he was heading upstairs, he was stopped again by Romano, who was sleepily leaving his room.

"What the hell was all that screaming about?" he mumbled, still managing to glare at America through his tiredness.

"O-Oh, good morning Vati, lovely day isn't it, I'll just be going off to my room now!" America told him, trying to get away. Unfortunately, Romano wasn't so tired that he wouldn't notice a large pack of apple juice right in front of him. He grabbed the shoulder of his retreating son.

"America." _Oh no. _"Where did you find all that apple juice?"

"I, uh, got it from...an angel! Right!"

"What the...? Was my drunk-ass brother here?"

"No! I mean, I got it from a fairy! Yeah, a fairy!"

"How stupid do you think I am? Give me the apple juice."

"No!" America shouted as Romano tried wresting it out of his iron grip. "It was a God-given gift to me! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!"

"I understand, alright. I understand that you're a GODDAMN IDIOT!"

* * *

As the fight upstairs was going on, which Romano eventually won although they tore open a few juice boxes, China was too busy to notice.

"Russia, aru! I already told you that you can't-" Russia smacked his hand over China's mouth, causing China to look surprised, and then even more irritated.

"Shh! My sister is after me again, and nowhere is safe! I even tried hiding in the back room at my store, but she has a back room IN my back room! Anytime she gets close, she begins he creepy chant about marriage and I can't stand it! You must let me stay here for now!" China finally pulled Russia's hand away.

"Fine, aru! I'll let you stay, but only tonight, aru. Tomorrow you must leave, aru," China instructed. Russia's eyes lit up.

"Thank you, China! It is so very kind of you to allow me to stay!" he said joyfully.

"Just don't hide in the heaters or scare my husband again, aru," China said, already leaving to return to his bedroom. Once upstairs, though, he saw a large wet stain on the carpet. He winced and stormed into Romano's room.

"WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THE CARPET, ARU?"

"It's apple juice, dammit! I swear!"

Russia, still downstairs and listening to all this, smiled.

"_What an interesting family..." _he thought.

* * *

The next day, Romano woke up first. He went downstairs to let out the Whimsicotts and feed them. As he was getting out the food, however, he heard a strange, loud, snoring sound. He carefully walked into the living room and stifled a scream. Then he ran upstairs.

"China, why the hell is Russia is sleeping on our couch?" Romano whispered urgently. China, who hadn't slept well at all last night, opened his eyes groggily.

"He's juss there f'r th' night, 'ru," he murmured, still half asleep. "Leave 'im there, he's leavin' today, 'ru." Romano stared in disbelief, but China didn't notice, rolled over to face the other side of the bed, and fell back asleep.

"Well then," he said to himself. "Looks like I'll take Federica and Leonardo on a very long walk."

* * *

Around noon, China was about ready to kill someone. Romano was nowhere to be found, America was refusing to leave his room until he got some, ahem, "goshdarn apple juice", Greece wouldn't wake up, Russia decided that he wasn't really going to leave, and he himself was going to be late for work. Very late, if things kept going like they were. Just as he was planning out what to do, he heard a crash from the living room.

China ran in as quickly as he could and was met with the sight of yet another broken window and Belarus cornering Russia. China winced once. Then twice. Then felt as if something in his head snapped.

He stomped over to where the two siblings were. As Belarus turned towards him with the knife, he twisted it out of her grip and threw it out the window, where it buried itself in the trunk of a tree across the street. She paled as China grabbed both her and Russia by the wrist and forcibly dragged them out, kicking open the door that was in his way, and continued down the street.

"Where are you taking us?" hissed Belarus angrily.

"I would really like to know that too, da?" Russia agreed. China said nothing and kept storming forward with the others in tow. Finally, he reached his destination at the end of the street, and rang the doorbell before practically throwing the two on the doorstep. It was answered by Belgium.

"Huh? Oh, hello!" she chirped. "What are you two doing here?"

"Sibling problems, aru," China said shortly. "The girl has a serious issue with stalking, too, aru." Belarus turned to glare at him, but Belgium's face lit up.

"That's great! We'll be sure to—" China did hear the end, as he was already stomping back down the road. He stopped at another door and knocked. This one was answered by Norway.

"What—" he began before China cut him off.

"Listen, I really have to go, so could you or Taiwan watch my kids for the day, aru?" he begged. "Japan will probably have to coax America out, but whatever you do, don't give him apple juice, aru."

"I believe I can do tha—" Norway began before being cut off again by China's appreciative thanks and invitation to hit Romano when he showed up.

Finally, ran back across the street to his house before jumping in the car and turning it on. Before he could leave, he sighed and laid his head on the steering wheel. Sheesh, this parenting thing is _hard._

**A/N**

**Yup, I'm cutting it off there. Sorry for the cruddy chapter, but I just needed to put something up to assure you all (and myself) that I can still write. Wow, you all probably hate me for not updating in two months, but I just haven't really been motivated. I'll try to update more often, though! I swear! I'll even update more if you review! Because reviews make me warm and happy inside, and won't you feel great knowing that you just made someone very happy?**


	13. A StressFree Weekend loljk Romano

**...oh. Hi there people who actually still follow this story. Sorry about the 3 month delay, but I'm back! Yes, I have no legitimate excuse, and yes, I am very sorry. Sorry enough to force myself to write a chapter JUST for you all, because I know you all care very much about this incredible, captivating, and thought-provoking story. That being said, let's go!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Hetalia. If I did, Grandmano would sooooo be canon.**

* * *

"Hey. Hey vati. Vati. Hey. Hey vati. Hey. Hey. Vati, he-"

"It's too early for this shit..." Romano groaned, rolling over and covering his head with a pillow. America frowned.

"Hey, vati, you silly sleepyhead, wake up!" As the boy was contemplating the pros and cons of jumping on his father, Romano opened one dark-rimmed eye.

"Oh God, it's you. This better be really fricken important. Is the house on fire?"he complained.

"No, vati, the bus is going to be here soon! The bus to the retreat! Remember?" America questioned, sitting on the end of the bed. He was referring to the father-son retreat that had been marked on their calendar for months. It was out in the woods somewhere and was supposed to 'strengthen the bonds of family together.' Or whatever. Romano rolled over.

"What the hell are you talking about? The bus won't be here until noon. Even then, I'm going on the retreat with Greece, not you," he snapped. America stared at him. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You don't remember?" he asked. Romano tried to think, but his train of thought had been stopped at a crossing where protests of the noise and lack of sleeping were preventing it from passing. Instead, he opted to stare blankly at the boy. "Greece isn't here. He's on the bus to an Alaskan boarding school right now."

Suddenly, the memories started to flow. The note from the school about Greece's grades being superb, a letter of recommendation, the going-away party, and...

"Oh crap!" Romano shouted, leaping out of bed. "I missed his bus?"

"Yeah! I came in to get you, but you threw a clock at me," America said, whimpering at the last part. "It missed, but it's the thought that counts..." But Romano was already out of the room. He skidded into the kitchen where China was dropping two large shopping bags on the counter. As soon as China noticed his husband, though, he glared.

"Oh, look who finally came downstairs, aru!" he snapped. "You're too late, by the way, aru."

"I didn't know!" Romano shouted. "Plus, do you honestly expect me to wake up if you send America to get me?" China just crossed his arms.

"Well, maybe if you hurry, you can catch the bus to the retreat, aru," he said.

"Wait, I have to go with America?"

"We already payed for it, and Belgium and the Netherlands say it'll be a good experience for you two, aru."

"Screw those two! I'm still not going!"

"Romano, aru." China stopped giving him a normal glare and switched to a look that more said 'you're going unless you want your fluffballs to be homeless aru'. Romano, fortunately, is good at reading looks and sighed.

"Fine! I'll go on the goddamn retreat!" he shouted and stomped upstairs to get ready.

"You better hurry, aru. It's 11:45, aru," China called after him. Romano paused. Then looked at the clock that was still on the floor from when he threw it.

"I slept in that late? Son of a-"

An hour later, Romano was busy wishing that he was dead. Besides sitting next to the overexcited, bouncing America, they were conveniently seated in front of England and Sealand, next to Rome and Italy, and behind Norway and Japan, which meant that he had to keep pulling America off of Japan's seat. As he leaned against the bus window and tried to make himself disappear, Romano began wondering what China was doing at home.

* * *

China waved the bus goodbye while ignoring Romano's faces of 'oh-God-save-me-please' (he can be such a drama queen sometimes...) and went back to the house. He hadn't had a day alone in a long time. No work either because of a mishap with a stove, a blender, a crazy coworker, and a few gallons of soap. Luckily, he had planned out exactly what to do with this weekend of freedom, and it was partially why he had insisted Romano leave. Going into the kitchen, he emptied the large grocery bags to reveal twenty gallons of gelato concealed within. Putting the majority of them into the freezer, he brought three into the living room. Once there, he slid open a hidden compartment in the side of the TV cabinet and pulled out an xbox and a game disk case which was titled "Assassin's Creed Brotherhood".

Oh yeah. Time to burn some towers and assassinate some guards.

* * *

The bus finally arrived at the retreat after two long hours of half the passengers trying to not kill America. As soon as the doors opened, Romano flung himself out and started to hug the ground. Pft. Drama queen. Then they were escorted towards a large building in the center of the area ('escorted' here is used loosely—Rome eventually had to carry Romano). Once there, they were seated in a large room where, surprise surprise, Belgium and the Netherlands were. Romano slouched in his chair next to America and pouted.

"Hello everybody, and welcome to our father-son retreat!" Belgium chirped once everyone was seated. A few people greeted her back happily. Romano grumbled and then glared when Belgium made eye contact with him. "It's good to see how many people arrived, and especially how I can recognize so many of your faces!"

_Yeah right._ Romano thought. '_Many'? There were like, 10 people on that bus. She must have low expectations. I could recognize a lot of them thou—wait. _He sat up and looked around. Crap, everyone there was from his neighborhood! Romano slumped back in his seat and wondered why the universe hated him.

* * *

"Oh, you think you're so cool, aru? Well how about I give you some DIE, aru!" China shouted at the screen before grabbing another spoonful of gelato. If he could choose to live in any moment for the rest of his life, it'd be this one. As he successfully completed another mission just in time for full synchronization, he happily thought to himself about how everything was going his way.

* * *

Romano collapsed into a bed in his assigned room. He had some alone time before dinner, which he owed to Norway being one of the best and most tolerant people on the planet. Of course, he spent that well by sleeping. Sleep that seemed to last only five minutes before he woke up with America jumping on him.

"Vati! It's dinner time! Wake up wake up wake up!" America was yelling. Romano quickly sat up and shoved the boy off of the bed.

"What the hell? You didn't have to jump on me!" he shouted back in response. America, who was now on the floor, stood up.

"Well, you wouldn't wake up before then, and I thought you would want to know that there was pasta out..." he said. Romano quickly got up.

"Which way is the cafeteria?"

Once they arrived at the dinner room, America ran off towards the table where Japan was sitting and dragged Romano with him. The latter begrudgingly sat down in the only seat available, which was next to his son, and glared at the table. That liar...the food wasn't even there yet, why'd he rush over here? Social interaction? As-fucking-if. Speaking of social interaction, however, Romano wondered who else was sitting there, and accordingly looked up to check. There was America and Japan, obviously, as well as Norway, Sweden, and Prussia. Wait...

"What the flying shit are YOU doing here?" Romano yelled while pointing at Prussia. Prussia looked towards him in surprise.

"First off, you should be grateful that the awesome me is awesomely gracing your unawesome presence when you're acting so unawesome like that. I'm here with my awesome vati, of course," he announced awesomely. Romano stared.

"Who's your father?" Romano asked in confusion. He hadn't really thought about it, but he supposed that even stupid potato bastards must have fathers.

"He is!" Prussia proclaimed while slinging his arm around Sweden's shoulder. "I look just like him, am I right?" Romano was saved from having to respond as the server came to their table.

"Hello everyone, I'll be your server for tonight," greeted the strange man. "Here let me just fill your glasses." He proceeded to pick up the nearest cup, which was Romano's, and started pouring out of a pitcher. "Tonight we'll be serving bread, pasta, sauce, and some other stuff!" he said while completely failing at filling the glass as water sprayed all over the table. As Romano was about to irritably say something, the server said "Your food will be out shortly, have a nice meal!" and walked off. The table was silent for a moment.

"...vati, who was that?" America asked, breaking the silence. Prussia laughed.

"Mein Gott, he actually calls you that?" he said. Romano glared at him.

"Shut up, it's all your fault anyway!" Romano growled. Before an argument could ensue, food arrived at the table. Romano dug into the pasta rapidly, eager to get away from the table and back to his room to sleep.

* * *

China was interrupted from his excited gaming by a Whimsicott nudging his arm. He tried ignoring it, seeing as he was clearly busy with some very important gaming, but he was forced to pause the game once the creature threw itself against him.

"What do you to want, aru?" he asked exasperatedly to the two pets. In response, they looked at China with puppy-dog faces as their stomachs growled. "You're hungry, aru? Well, I suppose it is my responsibility to feed you, aru..." So, he stood up, pushing aside his fifth canister of gelato, and walked into the kitchen. Where did they keep the pet food again...?

"Did we run out, aru? Was that the reason I had gone to the store in the first place, aru?" China muttered to himself. Apparently so. As the two sad fluffballs looked at him, he was suddenly struck with a brilliant idea. Can Whimsicotts eat gelato?

* * *

The next morning, Romano woke up when a clock hit the side of his head. He shot up and immediately turned to glare at America, who was sitting in his bed looking suspiciously innocent.

"Why the hell did you do that?" Romano asked.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," America replied sweetly. Romano just sighed. It was too early to deal with this. It'd be better just to get ready for the day.

Unfortunately, that day consisted of sitting at tables in groups, talking about their feelings. Even worse, those tables had baskets of candy in the center. By the end of the sessions that day, Romano was ready to strangle America and anyone that said "And how does that make you feel?" _It makes me feel very fucking pissed, thank you very much._

"Well, everyone, now it's free time until dinner!" Belgium sang."Then we'll be going on a nice walk together!" Romano bolted out of the room as quickly as he could to find a nice, quiet place to spend his time as America skipped out with Japan walking calmly next to him.

* * *

China woke up with a start as something licked his face. He lifted his head up off of the game controller and quickly realized that he had fallen asleep while playing the game. Then again, eating nothing but sweet frozen food tended to make you tired from the lack of vitamins...

_Whatever, aru. _China thought while stretching. _It's my weekend off, aru. I'll do the same thing again today, aru!_

* * *

After another dinner, in which the strange server didn't show up in again, Romano found himself stomping along a trail in the woods while being followed by America. How was this supposed to help build a relationship? He just wanted to drive a spork through the kid's head! Admittedly, he doubted that those who had planned the trip counted on America, but he needed someone to blame and it sure as hell wasn't going to be himself. After Sealand had come up and convinced America to go on an 'adventure' with him (although he doubted it counted as convincing if the other says yes right away), Romano walked away from the two that were trying to act like spies and came across Austria. He raised an eyebrow.

"What are you doing here? Do you have a son?" he asked. He was willing to believe anything after learning that the potato bastards were related to Finland and Sweden. Austria sighed.

"Unfortunately, yes, although I disowned him for being him," he said. Romano briefly wondered if he could disown America before remembering that China wouldn't let him. "However, Belgium and the Netherlands found out and convinced me to go on this retreat with him to 'strengthen the bonds of family together'. Or whatever."

"Oh. Well, who is he? Do I know him?" Romano questioned. Austria stayed silent and as Romano was about to ask again, a voice came from behind him.

"Like, dad! Wait up!" Austria buried his head in his hands and Romano started thinking _God no God no God no_. Poland caught up to them and smiled. "Oh, like, hi Romano! I didn't, like, know you were here! Is America, like, here too?"

"Yes, him and Sealand are up there right now you should go talk to them instead," Austria quickly said. Poland's eyes lit up as he skipped off to where those two were. Romano looked at Austria with a look of pity in his eyes.

"Well...it could be worse."

"How?"

"It could be America."

"Alright everybody!" Belgium chirruped. "We've arrived at the clearing! Everybody grab your father or son and have a seat around the bonfire as we talk about our feelings and relationships!" Romano paled as America ran up, grabbed his hand, and pulled him towards the fire while wishing that God would just smite him right there.

* * *

China yawned and looked at the clock. Yup, another day successfully wasted away. He had already left a canister of gelato out for the Whimsicotts, so they were asleep, and he contemplated making a legitimate dinner. As his stomach cried out for some substantial food, he was forced to comply. He paused the game, in which he was progressing quite well, and shuffled into the kitchen, found some microwavable mac n' cheese, and heated it up. He then sat in front of the television and was about to start again when the doorbell rang. Groaning, he stood up to go get it.

"What do you want, aru?" he asked while opening the door. Behind it stood Denmark, flashing a grin.

"Hello, China! I wanted to let you know that, thanks to you, I've gotten my axe back! Also, you've been chosen to compete in-"

"Don't care, aru," China said in a monotone and slammed the door in his face. Stupid game show hosts these days. They're like pop-up ads covering his precious gaming time. Which, by the way, he should stop after the current mission is over if he wants to get any sleep.

...eh, one more mission won't hurt either.

* * *

Romano collapsed into his bed. Really, why did he have to go on this retreat? It's almost as if China was just looking for an excuse to get him out of the house...nah. That's ridiculous. Why would he do that?

America, on the other hand, practically jumped onto his bed and started talking.

"Hey vati, wasn't that fun? We got to talk and eat smores, which are my two favorite things to do! Actually, I also got to talk to my friends—isn't it weird how Poland was there too? I didn't know he had a dad—so that means that I got to do my THREE favorite things. Isn't this such a fun retreat vati? I'm glad we got to go!"

"Shut up!" Romano moaned from the pillow in which he was burying his face.

"Huh? Why? Ms. Belgium says we should talk and share our feelings and stuff and that's what I'm doing! I'm sharing my feelings! Maybe you should t—" America was cut short as Romano threw a shoe at him. America yelped and dodged.

"I said shut up!" Romano growled. America looked sad for a moment before smiling again.

"Hey tomorrow we get to go home and see mom again! I wonder how he's doing. Do you think he misses us?" Romano finally sat up.

"Which part of shut up do you not understand?"he snapped.

"The part where you didn't say please," America replied.

"Would that even make a difference?"

"Nope! But I'm tired, so I should probably go to sleep anyway. Night night vati!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

* * *

China woke up to the sound of somebody shouting down the street. Those neighbors of his, interrupting good sleep...wait. He sat up and looked around to find that he had once again fallen asleep while gaming. At least he had laid down on the couch this time. But now wasn't the time for gaming. He groggily recalled that there was something very important today. What was it? He stared at a brochure for some father-son retreat that was laying on the floor.

Oh. Duh. His husband and son were coming back today. Which means that he has to clean up. Well, it should be that bad, China thought as he glanced around the room. Just get rid of the gelato tubs and hide the video game and everything will be fine. No one will ever have to know...

* * *

Romano hurried towards the bus after the closing speech and found that his eagerness to depart was only matched by Austria. He had woken up that morning before America but had failed at sneaking out without him and therefore leaving him behind. Stupid squeaky doors. But that didn't matter. He was just one bus ride away from going home and locking himself inside his room with Federica and Leonardo for the rest of forever. Even if it did mean having to sit next to America on the way back as he excitedly watched the dumb movie they had on. _Just bear with it, Romano,_ he told himself. _You've done well, we're almost there._

* * *

China shoved the last of the containers into the trash bag and threw it outside into the garbage bin. It had taken longer than expected, due to some gelato stains left by the Whimsicotts and the "just one more mission" mindset. But everything was finally cleaned up and he didn't have to worry. Just in time, too, as the bus pulled up around the corner. Soon enough China found himself being clung to by Romano.

"That was the worst weekend ever and the worst idea you've ever had!" he complained. "Now I'm going to my room with Federica and Leonardo and I'm coming out!" And just like that, he was gone with the Whimsicotts. China blinked and muttered "drama queen, aru" before America also bounced up.

"Welcome back, aru! How was the retreat, aru?" China asked.

"It was great!" America said happily. "I got to see a whole bunch of my friends and spend time with vati and see Ms. Belgium, who's really nice, and eat good food! I want to go again!" China thought about it for a moment.

"That's not a bad idea, aru..."he contemplated.

"GOD NO!" came the shout from upstairs.

* * *

OMAKE

"So, did anyone come by while we were gone?" Romano asked lazily from the kitchen table. China looked up from where he was cooking dinner.

"Oh, just Denmark, aru," he replied.

"Great, what did he want?" groaned Romano sarcastically.

"Nothing much, he just tried to get us into another game, I believe, aru," China said.

"Did he seriously think we'd do that again?" Romano asked.

"I guess so, aru," China responded, shrugging. Then, as he turned away to drain noodles for the meal, he muttered to himself "What a puttana, aru." Romano's head shot up from the newspaper he had begun to read.

"What was that?" he asked in confusion.

"Oh, nothing, aru," China said quickly. "Go back to reading your newspaper, dear, aru."

* * *

**A/N Was that omake nessecary? Two other people know that yes, yes it was.**

**(For those that don't know, puttana is "whore" in Italian, and it's used often in Assassin's Creed.)**

**Also, this is very, very loosely based on a retreat I went on, except mine was a lot more fun because I hate Romano (not really, I love you just as much as the other characters, Romano. Just not as much as America. Or Prussia). But really guys, I was going to put this off for another day (a phrase which here means 'leave it and probably not ever finish it') until I got onto fanfiction to check my shtuff for the first time in forever and realized that I hadn't updated in over three months. So, I promptly flipped my lid, annoyed my vati (*ahem* LADY vati), and got straight to writing. I will do my best in the future to write more and I beg for your forgiveness.**


End file.
